Poetry On Odyssey: The Thought Of You

Poetry On Odyssey: The Thought Of You

I hate that I miss you.

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I hate that I miss you,

even when I know ending it was best.

I hate that the memory of you hits me

when I least expect it, leaving my heart aching in my chest.

I have put it past me, I have closed the chapter of you in my book of life,

but sometimes you still cross my mind, causing a twist of the knife.

you used to fill me with such joy, my best friend and lover all in one,

but you've turned into a stranger now that we're done.

* * *

Sometimes the thought of you still pains me. It's not like I haven't moved on or anything, but sometimes my head likes to get stuck in the past.

I want to love someone again the way I loved you.

I want to wake up every day with a stupid smile on my face, just like I did every morning when I was with you.

I'm lonely.

Not in a sense as if I feel as if I have nobody in my life, because I know I do, but in a sense as if my heart feels lonely.

I never wanted to become "that" girl, the girl who feels as if she always needs someone because I don't. I can be whole and happy alone.

However, the truth is, is I have yet to learn how to love myself and I believe it's important to love yourself before getting into a serious, committed relationship.

You see, my problem is that I refuse to date for the short term, which really blows because I often feel lonely. I miss feeling wanted. I miss having someone that I want to spend every waking second with.

Because even when a relationship goes sour, when it was good, it was good. I crave to have that even though I feel as if I'm not ready for it again. I'm not ready because I know that if I have it, there's potential to lose it all over again and I don't want my heart to go through yet another round of that. I just miss being with someone.

I want someone to embark poetry within my soul again. I want someone whose words can bring tears to my eyes when they express their gratitude for having me in their life again. I want to spend all night on the phone with someone again. I want to love someone with my entire heart again.

Until "again" happens, I must focus on myself and remember that I have an amazing family, amazing friends, an amazing job, an amazing cat, and an amazing life.

I must remember that everything will happen the way it's supposed to, even though it can be so damn hard.

Isn't that the beauty of life, though? The uncertainty? The unknown?

Who knew something could be rather exciting yet rather painful at the same time.

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Everything You Will Miss If You Commit Suicide

The world needs you.
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You won't see the sunrise or have your favorite breakfast in the morning.

Instead, your family will mourn the sunrise because it means another day without you.

You will never stay up late talking to your friends or have a bonfire on a summer night.

You won't laugh until you cry again, or dance around and be silly.

You won't go on another adventure. You won't drive around under the moonlight and stars.

They'll miss you. They'll cry.

You won't fight with your siblings only to make up minutes later and laugh about it.

You won't get to interrogate your sister's fiancé when the time comes.

You won't be there to wipe away your mother's tears when she finds out that you're gone.

You won't be able to hug the ones that love you while they're waiting to wake up from the nightmare that had become their reality.

You won't be at your grandparents funeral, speaking about the good things they did in their life.

Instead, they will be at yours.

You won't find your purpose in life, the love of your life, get married or raise a family.

You won't celebrate another Christmas, Easter or birthday.

You won't turn another year older.

You will never see the places you've always dreamed of seeing.

You will not allow yourself the opportunity to get help.

This will be the last sunset you see.

You'll never see the sky change from a bright blue to purples, pinks, oranges, and yellows meshing together over the landscape again.

If the light has left your eyes and all you see is the darkness, know that it can get better. Let yourself get better.

This is what you will miss if you leave the world today.

This is who will care about you when you are gone.

You can change lives. But I hope it's not at the expense of yours.

We care. People care.

Don't let today be the end.

You don't have to live forever sad. You can be happy. It's not wrong to ask for help.

Thank you for staying. Thank you for fighting.

Suicide is a real problem that no one wants to talk about. I'm sure you're no different. But we need to talk about it. There is no difference between being suicidal and committing suicide. If someone tells you they want to kill themselves, do not think they won't do it. Do not just tell them, “Oh you'll be fine." Because when they aren't, you will wonder what you could have done to help. Sit with them however long you need to and tell them it will get better. Talk to them about their problems and tell them there is help. Be the help. Get them assistance. Remind them of all the things they will miss in life.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255

Cover Image Credit: Brittani Norman

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Your Health Journey Is A Marathon, Not A Sprint

Perfection takes time.

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When you first start to do something, you have all of the motivation in the world to accomplish that goal set out in front of you, especially when it comes to being healthier. The problem is as you continue through this journey and food and laziness kick in, motivation slips. It's human, and it happens to everyone no matter how physically strong they are.

Trying to be healthier doesn't always mean losing weight. It can be so your knees don't ache as much, so you don't feel as out of breath climbing stairs, or any goal you have set for yourself. Being healthier is personal and different from person to person.

I will be the first to admit that there are plenty of changes I would love to make about myself. From my weight to my body type and many other things about myself inside and out. I am by no means the most confident person about how I look, but I have worked hard for the past year to be an overall healthier person.

Becoming healthier isn't about looking thinner or fitting into a specific size of clothes. It is about taking care of yourself from eating better to working out more. There comes a feeling of confidence in what your body can do if you put a little love in it.

Perfection takes time, and I know firsthand how frustrating trying to be healthier can be.

Pizza tastes so much better than salad. It is so easy to fall into a rhythm of something that seems never to change whether that is your weight or your mile time. Sadly, you can't build a city, or become healthier overnight.

We see people who are thinner, curvier, smarter, faster, and so much more than us. We all waste time comparing ourselves to people around us and on our timelines, but some of our biggest strengths are our individuality and the gift of getting back up after falling down.

All I can say is, please don't give up on your goal of being healthier because this is solely for you. We can have a great support system in the world and have everyone in our corner, but that isn't enough.

You need yourself. You need to know that if you don't entirely put yourself in this journey, then you won't fully succeed. Your commitment to bettering yourself can keep you going even if you want to give up.

Your motivation may not be at its peak level right now, and you may have every cell in your body screaming at you to quit. Don't do it. Prove to yourself that you can keep going no matter what. Not giving up will be worth it. The results and taking the hard way will make you a stronger person inside and out.

You can do this. You can do anything you want to accomplish if you just believe in yourself. You need to understand that becoming healthier takes endurance. There will be periods where you slow down and may not be going at your fastest pace. The difference is that you are not giving up and you are still trying and moving.

Don't treat becoming healthier as a sprint: short term and quick. That mentality will only leave you feeling deflated and defeated. It is a life-long marathon of pacing yourself and pushing yourself further than ever before.

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