Side Effects of Your First Love
For your own safety, we recommend you understand the negative side effects of indulging in your first love. Every one speaks about how it can be life changing for the better, how that one person can be your solution, reaching for homeostasis. What about the chances of overdosing on the pain? I'm a firsthand victim, side effects include:
1. Staying up late with tears. Not able to catch your breath, you will grasp for air, only to fail.
2. Upset stomach thinking about how you took her for granted
3. You will get an eerie feeling every time you start over and someone asks about your last relationship. Something as simple as hearing their name will take you back, distraught. Bringing back old clips of her soft kiss and and and stuttering as well as a hot flash as your stomach drops to the floor.
4. Goosebumps will run over your skin as you think about how their heart is like tidal waves, one moment they pull you in, and embrace you their breath on your ear something you crave now. The next moment they push you away and that's when you realized this time was different when she said she was done
5. You will feel defeated that you let them down once more that you continue to torture their heart, that soon as they almost get over you, you conveniently come back and send that text at 3:07 am asking how are things
6. Multiple personalities, juggling between happiness and sadness carving a smile into your devastated face with the same knife you used to theoretically kill them with. Laughing when you want to scream, cracking jokes when in all actuality, you're cracked, damaged.
7. Wondering why no one questions why you cry. Although you cry because your relationship was built on the foundations of lies, built with bricks of past hurt and cemented together with screaming matches and mistrust, issued by someone who couldn't care less.
8. You will feel for them in the most innocent ways and realize you're a junkie without them, that you will hallucinate of better times without them although it's physically impossible. Many thought of her as a star but to me, she was the solar system. I was fascinated, learning more about her, the unknown and the possibility's she held.
9. You will navigate your feelings to somewhere in hopes of escaping your new world without her
10. You will wonder why she always wanted you because no one wanted you including yourself. Only her.
11. You will remember the time you cried because you realized you couldn't give her the world, she will then whisper with her sweet smooth voice that she never wanted the world, she just wanted you, for you.
12. You will no longer fear death because you were looking the undertaker in their eyes to just see the reflection of yourself, ready to die. Their joker smile raised as yours began to fall they inhaled the remaining life from you as enslave yourself. Diminishing to a forgettable memory, disintegrating.,
13. You won't recognize yourself anymore, wondering who this zombie is, bitten by the unloved bug
14. You will ignore your Intuition that says she's the one. Her essence radiates and gave a plague that made everyone in her presence smile and forget about the bad. Your eternal sunshine.
15. Like a willow tree, you will bend but never break
16. You will crave her skin, like silk it draped over you and complimented your melanin, thinking of this will overwhelm you with pain, traumatized.
17. She illuminated life, her love healed your heart and in return, you paid her back with your infection of heartbreak. She now knows the side effects of the first heartbreak. The moon was jealous of her sunshine, now her sunsets, no rise.
May the chances be in your favor