Did you hear about Brock Turner?

I do not say anything.

I close my lips

And I stare at my phone

And I look down at my shaking hands

Not able to even imagine

What so many women around me have been forced to.

What am I supposed to do

Or say?

How am I supposed to describe why this hurts so much

Why something awful that happened to someone I have never met

Pushes fear into me

And why I lock my door at all times

And yes, I walk faster when walking alone at night

Because Ladies, be careful.

Do not drink too much or party too much

Or smile too much

Or have too much fun

Because you cannot make yourself a target

And you cannot make them think you are flirting

Damn it, when can I ever let my guard down?

When can I just laugh and throw my arms up

And have fun with my friends?

When can I close my eyes

And lie on the couch

And sleep without a second thought?

How do you get to drink and laugh

And let go of everything

While I always have to tug my shirt up to keep from exposing too much?

How am I supposed to explain to some girl one day

Why she cannot wear that short skirt she loves?

Because wear something that makes you feel confident

And you are just asking for attention

For looking and speaking and touching.

How does that make sense?

Three months

Thirteen weeks

Ninety Days

Is that all it takes to make up for destroying someone else?

For taking away another person’s right to her body

To her life

To her safety

Her happiness

Her ability to relax and feel safe in this world.

How is this world anymore his than hers?

Why does he get to keep it all after what he did?

I liked to believe growing up

That it was all behind us.

That sexism was mostly a thing of the past

That it was not a thing to focus on

But this world we live in

I thought people got legally punished for rape and murder

But now women can be legally punished for drinking

Or wearing a dress

Or not being on alert at all times.

Three months.

I don’t understand.

I don’t get it.

I’m scared.

I know.

Me too.

We’re all scared.

I think what is most alarming

Is that we have a reason to be scared.