In the year 2150, long after I'm dead, I'm hoping some English teacher from the future will show this poem to their class.
They'll say "Alright, everyone, settle down and disengage your holograms screens please; this is a learning environment. Today we'll be talking about poetry from the 00's era, over 150 years ago. The young people of that generation were called the "Millennials". The older generations generally thought they were entitled, lazy, melodramatic with an inability to focus on anything important. They were the first generation to be completely raised in a world of computers."
*Gasps of shock from the class*
"Alright, this poem on the screen in front of you is from that era and deals with the concept of "adulting;" an antiquated slang term used to describe the process of growing up, to become full adults. Due to various historical factors like the rising cost of higher education ,and a changing economy, the millennial generation struggled to complete this, ummm, "adulting" process. Beta, would you read the poem out loud for us."
Beta is a classic teacher's pet with a high-pitched voice, they begin to read:
Adulting: A Poem
I
Just
Can't
Adult
Today.
I can't schedule a doctor's appointment on the phone today. Who uses phones to actually call and I can just Google stuff when I get sick.
Doctors don't know anything. (Except my close friend Hal, who's going through med school, they're awesome and all. We still Facebook message yearly.)
I can't do laundry today. Those machines are literally so confusing, I have to ask Siri or my folks like every 5 minutes.
It would be so much easier if they did it, except I have to have some adult responsibility around here.
$3 monthly rent, doing my own laundry and taking out the trash.
That's a lot of responsibility.
The world weighs heavily on my shoulders, and so does the threat of debt, terrorism, and eternal unemployment.
I deserve a better life; what were those 14 years of schooling and 24 unpaid internships for anyway?
My resume is full, but my stomach is empty.
I better climb the basement stairs to my parent's fridge. (They are my safety net, my everything.)
My feeds and chats are full of emojis, "friends", notifications, but I fear my life has come to nothing.
We were born into a new age of technology, but we are all slowly rotting away behind our glowing blue screens.
My ideals would fill the oceans,I wanted to make the world a better place, but now I'm content with WiFi, a part-time job unrelated to my college major, and the company of my mom's cat as I watch Netflix.
Oh, the woes of a millennial "adult".
I
literally
can't
adult
today
or any day really.
