For much of my life, I have been overweight. In our society, being overweight has not exactly been in style. I did not know that my weight was not attractive until I reached the 2nd grade: kids staring a little too long when I raise my arms above my head or how my thighs swallowed seats whenever I sat down.
People, as much as most of us do not like to admit it, are quick to judge. We are prone to comparing ourselves to others and are chained to opinions, glances, and roaming eyes. We are all victims of it and some of us are survivors. And I have allowed all of this to impact the way I viewed myself.
I can feel it gnawing and clawing at my skin, in insomnia laced nights and oceans drowning my complexion.
“You are pretty for a big girl” was always stuck on replay every second I was alone with my thoughts.
When I look back on my hurting, this statement probably bothered me the most - alive, but never enough.
I have always been a positive human being and unafraid to make friendships, but I never stopped thinking about how they would never want to post pictures of me on their Instagram or ask me to hang out at the beach.
It was not until I came to college that I was finally detached from the cavern of mental self-seclusion.
I began to experiment with what I wore and decided to participate in everything. I had made the decision that I would not waste any more of my life regretting. When I found the exact vibe I wanted to present myself to the world in, I became confident with how I looked and that had made all the difference.
I began to let my chin rise and my stomach to be fashioned with high wasted pants and my arms greeting the sun.
I surrounded myself with people that encouraged me to do exactly what I wanted because I could.
To this day I will owe half of my happiness to the friends (and Forever 21’s Plus section) who always told me the truth - I am pretty because I am exactly the person I am meant to be.
It took me time to laugh as loud as my hips did, but I have never felt more loved by myself. I have decorated myself with what I love most about myself and did things that made me happy. I went to festivals and surrounded myself with people that are lost as much as I am and loving every moment of it.
I am still traveling this journey to loving the body these bones are holding, but I am just as strong as these bones are mentally. I am strong for the world, my friends and for myself. I have so much of me to love that will last me several lifetimes and I will never take that for granted again.
