As a plus-size woman, every day I am bombarded with a confusing amount of messages as to how I am supposed to feel about my plus size-ness. I identify as a plus-size woman because I am overweight and my clothing size is a number that is above a 14. When I shop I prefer places like Forever 21+, and other stores that carry sizes above an XL. I am not just curvy; I am plus size. And I have no idea how I feel about it.
Society tells me that I should love myself but society also tells me that I should love myself. Very confusing, I know.
The Fashion industry definitely has good intentions, but it has a long way to go.
First I see that there is a huge revolution in the fashion world with the introduction of models that are larger than the typical model. However, it’s not really reassuring that the women, who are represented as ‘plus-size,’ in reality, are more of a representation of the average American woman. Which is totally fine by the way, but the fact that they are labeled plus size is frustrating because there are women like me who feel like they are being misrepresented. There are fashion designers like Ashley Neil Tipton, who won "Project Runway" season 14, and created the first collection for plus-size models that are actually plus size. Designers like Ashley give women like me hope that the fashion industry will eventually be able to embrace all body types and make clothes that are cute and affordable.
Everywhere I see women embracing their size and owning it like queens. It can be inspiring.
But despite this recent movement of acceptance and self-love, I have no idea how to feel about my body.
Now there is a whole other revolution going on that makes me feel torn. In a world of Soul Cycle, Cross-fit, and juice cleanses, it',s a little difficult to come to terms with my being plus-size. The women I see participating in this movement are inspiring as well because they are in state of self improvement which I sometimes wish I was in too.
You see, unlike a lot of women in the world today who are able to embrace their beautiful bodies for what they are, I somehow still haven't really decided how I feel about being plus-size.
Some days I love who I am and how I look. I don’t feel like I need to change. However, it can feel like I am pretending that I am not the way I am.
Then there are days where I feel like the body I am in isn't my body. I feel a constant sense of discomfort and self-doubt. I try to shut out the thoughts that I am ugly because, I somehow became convinced, a long time ago that being overweight is the same as being unattractive. I try to pretend it doesn't bother me when my hips don’t fit into a seat in a lecture hall or movie theater.
Society tells me to love myself. Society also tries to sell me “skinny teas” and body wraps, claiming that they works. The clothing industry promises to hide unflattering rolls and cellulite. And of course these conflicting messages come from the same exact person or company, so you can see why someone like me can become easily confused.
I wish I could say that what I observe around me and what I perceive doesn’t effect me and how I perceive myself and I strive everyday to ignore what I hear and just live.
I know how hard it is to ignore the thoughts in your head that say you are not good enough because of the way you look, and I understand how detrimental it can be to your mental health.
I’m not saying I have the answer, and I struggle with these feelings constantly, but I also hope that if you feel the same way you can find some solace in knowing you are not alone.
And whatever you decide. You want to work on self-improvement? Awesome! Do you embrace your body and beauty? Amazing!
I think the best thing I could tell you is make sure you are doing it for yourself and no one else. You and your body don't owe anyone anything. I am still working on figuring out what my truth is and that’s OK. Walk through life and live your truth. You sometimes have to go through some tough days to gain the best days of your life.
