Every morning, I spend six to eight minutes scrolling through the Cosmo SnapChat story to find articles like “20 Signs You Know He’s a Keeper” and “What You Should REALLY Be Looking For in a Partner.” I read them and subconsciously compare my relationship to the standards that the crazy beautiful staff writers at Cosmo lay out for me:
Is my S.O. bringing me presents for no reason?
No, he’s not made of money, why would he do that?
Is my S.O. falling more and more in love with me every day?
Probably not, neither of us have really changed since yesterday.
Is my S.O. putting me first? Am I the most important thing in his life?
Definitely not. He’s not the most important thing in mine.
We live in an age where we get so bombarded and deluded by rom-com stereotypes that we have forced and unrealistic expectations of what love and dating should be. In my mind, there are six simple questions that you need to answer to know if you’re with someone who is good for you.
1. Do they respect you?
This seems pretty essential to me. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t?
2. Do you respect them?
Even if they think you are literally the most incredible person who has ever walked the planet, if you don’t respect the person that you’re dating, then you aren’t good for them.
3. Do they make you laugh?
Are you having fun together? If you're not, then you're missing a wonderful part of committing to someone! Laugh, joke, give each other a hard time. It's all in good fun.
4. Do you have your own lives?
This, to me, is essential. Live your life and let them live theirs. Have your own friends and your own experiences. If your life is their life, you won’t have anything to tell them about later.
5. Do you like them, or do you like what they can do for you?
If you’re with someone based on physical intimacy or fear of being alone, what’s the point? If your favorite thing about the person you’re dating is that they sleep next to you every night, it seems like that might be a problem.
6. Do they build you up more than they break you down?
People fight. It is the most natural thing in the world to disagree with someone, but if you're crying more than you're laughing, or fighting more than you're having fun, you might need to reevaluate.
The way I see it, these articles are telling me that my S.O. should always keep me first (not his friends, not his job, not his aspirations), know my Mom’s favorite color (and my great aunt’s and all 34 of my cousins'), and remember that one time, three weeks ago, I mentioned liking herbal tea, so he should buy me all the herbal tea in the world to make me happy. Swoon!
So, do not freak out if the person you’re dating doesn’t make you their first priority all of the time. Don’t worry if the person you’re interested in isn’t keeping tabs on how you take your coffee or the TV show you mentioned, one time, in class, four months ago. If my significant other met every single standard in the “20 Signs You Know He’s a Keeper” handbook, I think I’d be a little overwhelmed.
No one is perfect. It’s healthy to not have someone else be your first priority. Your first priority, 9 times out of 10, should be yourself and part of that is being considerate of the person you’re dating or wanting to date. Making them happy should make you happy and vice versa. But let’s stop making romance an unattainable, untouchable, holy grail of happiness. We’re all human, so let’s let the people we’re dating be human too.
