In my 18 almost 19 years I have been asked hundreds and thousands of questions but the one question that I seem to get possibly the most. Well actually it probably isn’t the most frequently asked question but it sure is the one that stands out to me the most, and this question would be…. “So, do you have a boyfriend yet?”
I would much rather be asked questions that are about me and what I, just myself, am doing. There are so many other things in life that measure how well I am doing. Questions like “what’s your major?” or “how are your classes going?” I don’t want questions like “wouldn’t you rather be in a relationship?” or “when are you going to bring a boy around?”
I understand that most people who ask this are intending for those few words to be a simple innocent question but to me it is something else completely. It makes me think that they believe that I am not doing my best if I don’t have a boyfriend. Every time I say no it’s reacted with, “well I just don’t understand how you don’t have one yet.” Maybe I’m just being sensitive to this small detail in my life but there are so many more question I could be asked that would measure my amount of character and growth that don’t include the word boyfriend.
There is just something about those few words that hurt just a little bit every time I hear them. I want to be seen as successful and full of life even when I’m single. I understand that in the previous generations of my family prior to me it was very common to be married young but that isn’t part of my plan. Truly I don’t have a plan at the moment. But when I was younger I always thought it would be go to college, boyfriend, engagement, graduation, wedding, kids. That was the plan because that was what I had always known but now that has changed and I don’t think it goes in any order because I can be on my own and be just as happy as I would be if I were in a relationship.
There are other ways to judge and ask how my life is going and I would rather hear and answer hundreds of other questions than answer or hear this one question. All I ask that before you ask a young woman if she has a boyfriend yet think about asking her many more questions. Don’t make her feel like she is any less because she doesn’t have a boyfriend yet, make sure she understands how amazing and incredible she's doing on her own without needing anyone else. Chances are if she does have a boyfriend she will bring it up on her own and there is really no need to hear the same thing over and over again until you receive the yes you've been waiting for. I understand that it is an innocent question but think of other things to ask first, please.
