“Hey Rickie, can you do me a favor tomorrow?”
Thought: “Well, let’s see. What do I have tomorrow? Practice and then class in the morning, meeting at lunch time, class again, practice in the afternoon, work, homework and then meeting later at night. Busy literally all day.”
Verbal response: “Yeah, of course! What do you need? What time?"
What?
Dear heavens, what is wrong with me?
This is pretty much the story of my life. I hate the thought of possibly disappointing anyone. I don’t want anyone to be able to say I am not reliable or not a good friend, and it seems that the word "no" is just not in my vocabulary. I think it really comes down to wanting to please people. The mere thought of any type of confrontation makes me feel like running to my mother’s bed and turning on a nice, cozy marathon of Andy Griffith (can I get an amen?).
It’s not that I don’t love people, though, or want to help. In fact, I most often really do want to help. As I have stated often, my purpose on this earth is to bring glory to God and to make disciples, and this cannot be done if I am not with people showing them the love of Christ.
I think the problem is that, in my mind, the word no really means, “I am giving this person a reason to hate me forever and shout it from the rooftops that I am a horrible, selfish person who only cares about himself.”
Thankfully, however, this simply is not accurate. Guess what… people understand. They have busy lives too, and the word "no" is not a disease.
Friends, listen to this amazing news: It really is OK to say no! Actually, it is good and biblical.
Busyness does not equal holiness, and while serving and showing the love of Christ are essential, so is being alone, resting and learning. For the Christian, being alone with God our Father is absolutely crucial and life-giving. We cannot expect to be used by God and stay focused on showing His love if we are not experiencing His love firsthand in His presence, alone.
Jesus often went out of His way to be alone to pray. He spent ample amounts of time speaking with and listening to His father as well as teaching and resting with His disciples.
These two things may seem completely unrelated. They did to me at first. What could saying no and spending time alone possibly have in common?
Well, everything.
The busiest times of my life are when I am going from one thing to the next because I was too afraid to say no to anything. They are the times when I find myself going through the motions, not experiencing the love of Christ one bit. It is in these times when my life becomes about looking good on the outside, just as the Pharisees did, but rotting away on the inside, and being filled with greed, pride and hate. Life is not found in doing as many good works as can be thought of, but in being filled with the love of Christ and living for Him in response to who He is, with a motive of true love and thankfulness for what He has done.
The lesson I have learned over and over again is that it really is not selfish to say no. It is good, and it is good to simply rest. God wants us to rest in Him and find life and joy in His presence, in the secret place.
I have learned that it is okay to say no, and this realization has been one of the most freeing and grace-filled lessons of my life. I thank God that He knows what I need most and He understands that time alone with Him is more essential than perhaps any other aspect of the Christian life, for it is only from these times that we are able to live for Him and love with His love.
Through Christ we have the ability to say no, to stop going through the motions and to live free in His love and unimaginable grace. In this, we can hope and believe, and from Him comes true fruit and true love.
