I am a person who is very frequently struggling. Some days are easier than others, and even the hardest days always have some element of hope and blessing, though I can't always see it then. But I am also a person who keeps picking herself back up again, no matter how bad things get, I never stay down forever, and I am determined that I never will. But because I am a deep feeling, extremely emphatic, anxious, easily saddened person, it takes me much longer than many people are willing to allow, for me to "get over it" when something upsetting happens.
For example, when I get into an argument with someone, when I get lost when driving to a new place, or when someone treats me unkindly, it takes me a long time to get rid of the fear, the embarrassment, the unrest. I've had many people speak and act as if I had a problem because I was still upset, still afraid, still depressed about something that appeared to be a small thing. I've had people tell me to "just get over it," or "let it roll off" words that make me feel like I have to scream. And it's not only with small things that people want me to just be okay with, it's big things too, though not when they first happen.
When my family first started having troubles, when I had just had a falling out with a friend, when my parakeet had recently died, no one expected me to be okay, no one seemed to think that my grief, depression, and anxiety was inappropriate or that I was making too much out of a little thing. But the problem was, though I wasn't expected to be okay at first, after a few months or years went by, after the event was farther into the past, people began to either get concerned that I was still not okay, or upset at me for not being able to "get my act together." Many of the people who wanted me to be okay were loved ones who didn't want me to be sad or anxious and who weren't intending to be mean or harsh, and therefore I don't blame them at all. But I never know how to "just be okay" when I am not. I can't be healed from a traumatic event simply because my time for grieving is supposed to be over, I need more time.
The friends and family who help me most with handling my anxiety and sadness are the ones who don't pressure me to be okay, or to "get over it." They are the ones who say things like, "It's okay to be a mess right now," "It's okay to fall apart sometimes," and "It's okay to be sad, I am sorry that you are, but it's okay." These statements may not sound encouraging or helpful, but for me they are, because I know that these people are concerned for me and want me to be happy, but it is clear that they understand that sometimes, you just can't be okay, and that to feel like you have to be, makes the stress, sadness, and fear that much worse.
It shouldn't matter if it's been five days or five years since an upsetting or traumatic event happened, it shouldn't matter if the thing someone is upset about seems so small to other eyes, every person should be allowed to work through the feelings and experiences and to heal on their own time, as long as they are trying their hardest to overcome it, as I am. It takes me longer to heal from things than it does for some people, but I do heal. It takes me longer to feel okay again then it does for some people, but I do get okay again. I just need time...a lot of time, and eventually, I'll not only be surviving, I'll be thriving.
