The lessons I've learned about love have changed quite a bit in my 21 years. The thoughts I have about relationships are so much different now than when I was 8-years-old and dreaming of a prince or 15-years-old with a crush on the cute boy who plays the drums, or even 19-years-old thinking sex meant love. I know that my opinions and feelings about love will continue to change the older I get, however, one thing that will never change is how I feel when I'm seeing someone who has a lingering heart.
Loving someone who isn't sure if they love you or someone else is the most painful form of self-destruction. It will take every bit of you slowly until you realize that you can no longer go on loving someone with all of your heart when they can only give you maybe half. My time is now, as I've finally realized I can no longer have love for someone who isn't sure who they would rather have.
Please, choose her.
And when you choose her, give her everything. Give her your sleepy morning kisses at 9 a.m., your afternoon lunch dates, your wild Friday nights and your cozy Sundays spent in bed. Give her everything in between as well. Give her the feelings you still have for me because those are now unrequited and deserve to be spent on someone who longs for you.
There's a reason you keep feeling like you need to go back to her. There's something about her you can't give up, and that's okay. Take the feelings you have and pour them into her and see what the two of you can become. Maybe it will be something truly beautiful, something you feel like you've spent your whole life looking for. Something better than the chaos we created.
Do not let what we had hold you back, because when your heart starts to linger it's time to let that go. It's better to let each other go than to continue to lead each other on and damage each other farther than we already have. Am I saying this is easy for me? Not at all. It isn't. And I'm sure it won't be easy for you either. Giving up someone you love will never be easy, but I've always known that I cannot continue to invest my energy into someone who wants to give their energy to someone else. I deserve so much more than that. I deserve someone who never leaves me wondering why they can't stop thinking about someone else. I deserve someone who will give me their all. I deserve someone who is my biggest cheerleader and who constantly feels like a middle schooler crushing on me. And while we may have had that for a while, those are now the feelings you have for her and the feelings you need to explore.
I'm letting you go because it's best for both of us. I'm letting you go because I know this is the right decision.
Please do not choose me. Please choose her.
