To The Guy I'm Kinda Dating, Please Be Patient
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Adulting

To The Guy I'm Kinda Dating, Please Be Patient​

I've started "seeing" someone, and amidst all of the smiles and laughter, I'm terrified and anxious.

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To The Guy I'm Kinda Dating, Please Be Patient​
Wikimedia

I'm really in to this guy that I've started "seeing" - if you can call it that. We've only gone on three dates, and a fourth is already in the works, but this is a big deal for me. The past six (ish) months has been a never-ending cycle of either not dating at all or having horrible first dates. The fact that I've been on almost four dates in a six-day time span with the same guy is pretty much a miracle.

It doesn't feel like anything I've had with someone in a very long time. He makes me feel safe and wanted. He respects my boundaries. He pushes me to be better and try harder. He makes me smile so much and so hard that my cheeks literally hurt.

For all of my smiles and the incredible "honeymoon phase" feelings you get when you meet someone you really like, I'm also terrified and incredibly anxious.

My past relationships, and almost-relationships, have left their marks on me. I know it's cliche to say that I'm broken and damaged, but it's the best way to describe it. I am in the process of healing from the wounds and the damage that has been inflicted on me by previous relationships. I'm trying to heal myself from the inside out - reopening the scars and taking the time to stitch everything back together from the inside instead of just slapping a band-aid on it.

Because of my past I've been programmed not to trust anything good in a relationship - my instincts are always wrong and my gut leads me in the wrong direction. I've learned to not trust anything.

And yet here I am, loving every single moment I spend with you, while the nagging voice in my head tells me it's too good to be true.

You can't trust this.

You can't trust him.

You don't deserve to feel this good.

You don't deserve him.

You're going to screw this up.

He will lose interest.

He's just interested because he has ulterior motives.

All of this will fade away soon.

All that I've really told him about my past is that I've got some baggage and I'm working on myself. The best part of all of it is that he hasn't pushed for more information, "You'll tell me when you're ready." Knowing that he respects that boundary and won't push me has been wonderful and amazing, almost too good to be true.

So, to the guy who is currently sweeping me off my feet and helping me find a lot of happiness and smiles, I want you to know that yes, I am broken and damaged, but I'm healing, so please don't give up on me. I want to share these things with you when I'm ready. I see a lot of potential for us. I want to trust where this is going, that everything is going to be okay. I just need time to build my trust in you, and to learn to trust myself again. It can't happen overnight, so please don't give up yet.

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