I don't know if you've noticed, but it's been a little bit cold lately. Although as I write this, the weather seems to be doing a double take. That's right, walk away.
Winter is the worst thing I have experienced in my near 20 years of life, and I've heard small children play "Hot Cross Buns" on recorders many, many times.
I should also note that I'm from California and ended up in Connecticut...trust me I think about my poor decision-making ability every single day of February. So here's some general winter-hate we can all get behind – particularly those of us from warmer (more humane) states. I vote we get rid of February altogether. Who's with me?
1. Cold
So California does have snow. We have places that get cold. Many of us have seen snow and/or have been skiing. But what in God's name am I supposed to do with this information?????
That's an email from my school's Public Safety department. They basically told us "Don't move and put on a hat." I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do since I need to go places. But thanks for the heads up?
2. The Comparison
My friends who stayed in California for college like to Snapchat me...a lot.
Rude.
Rude.
Rude.
Meanwhile I'm out here trying to see if I can survive this far outside my natural habitat.
3. Keeping Up Appearances
It's literally impossible to look hot right now. See what I did there?
What I want to look like:
The cold reality:
I know it's not my sole purpose in life to look attractive every minute of every day, despite what the beauty/fashion industry may tell us girls. That being said, when my nose is running and I look like the freaking Michelin Man 24/7, it's hard to feel great about bumping into everyone I know (which of course only happens when I look like hell).
4. Cold
No really, it's COLD. I can already hear Minnesotans laughing at me but I don't care. This is insanity. When I'm genuinely afraid of losing fingers to frostbite, it has gone too far. With windchill, it got to DOUBLE DIGIT NEGATIVES last weekend. Not OK.
5. Exercising (Or Not)
God bless indoor sports. I cannot even imagine what the outdoor "spring" sports athletes are going through right now (can you really call it a spring sport if you start practice in February?). I can barely make myself walk to the gym, much less run outside in this weather.
Of course you can exercise indoors but no one likes using a treadmill. No one.
This...
Instead of this...
In California we only exercise by running in slow-mo on the beach. True story.
6. Logic-Defying Weather
Up is down. Wrong is right. It's somehow warm enough for it to rain instead of snow, but cold enough for that rain to freeze into deadly shards of ice, turning the world into a giant glacier?
I am of course discussing freezing rain, a concept so illogical that I actually had to go inside and Google it the first time I experienced it. It's apparently also called an ice-storm, and if that doesn't sound terrifying I don't know what does.
7. COLD
I really did not know what cold meant until I moved here.
I am deeply unhappy that I now know.
