Stop Letting Pessimists In Your 'Inner Circle' Sabotage Your Happiness

Stop Letting Pessimists In Your 'Inner Circle' Sabotage Your Happiness

Your vulnerability and acceptance of your friends might be what's distracting you from your goals.


I think we've all heard it at some stage in our lives. "You are the summation/total of your closest five friends." When we're younger, we like to act stronger and more independent than we are. But as adults, with limited more limited time and resources, so are our friends limited and expected to be a positive resource for us. However, our childhood naiveté can reintroduce itself into our adulthood friendships, where we let people's toxic attitudes and interactions with us slide because "oh that's just the way he/she is."

As adults, we must come to realize that our time is THE most valuable asset we own. Who we allow to have our time of day, especially over the course of a year, adds up significantly to our overall production and satisfaction. Yet, we get so defensive because we build up our "inner circle" of people and don't want to be critical of the people closest to us, likely because we think they will get offended or we will have to acknowledge our mistakes in letting toxic people affect us. Reality check time.

Those that get offended because you're calling them on their negativity are likely doing so out of a caricatured image they have of themselves. We call these people "realists." In life, there are pessimists and optimists. People posing as realists are pessimists because they're trying to rationalize their negative outlooks because of "reality," then brag about how "real" and world-aware they are. The only thing real about them? They are REALly living without any long-term goal and mind, lacking the vision and the passion to pursue anything other than instant gratification.

Does this sound oddly familiar? Odds are, you have one of these people in your inner circle. No, they aren't inherently bad people, but they simply believe that rationalizing their pessimism and telling you how to live your life. Why? Because they aren't satisfied with their own lives, so they find any opportunity they can to bring others down to their level, whether its for attention or distracting them from their grim reality.

Likely, these are also the people that complain just because it's a Monday. That's what pessimists do — they tell you that you're not supposed to be happy just because it's the first day of the work week, or that you can't branch out and try something new because it's risky or it will make you look dumb. Since we're keeping it real, you know what you should really do? Enjoy each day that you are given to work because you are able-bodied and know that you are in control of your own happiness. That's what separates optimists from pessimists. They don't give a damn if it's Monday or Friday. They own the day because they are humble.

The people you put closest to you are easily the largest influence on your personality aside from yourself. Your closest friends are also best at disguising their negativity as helpfulness because "they know you and know what's best for you." That's where you should smell the bullshit, and cut it. It is only you who is inside your mind 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. You know your capabilities and limitations, thus you should be the one to make that judgment and not them.

If there is someone in your circle with the arrogance to proclaim with such negativity any such sentiments, they aren't worth it to have around, regardless of their social status or how much value you think they bring to you. There is no tradeoff for your self-esteem and positivity. The sooner you learn this, the sooner you will stop sabotaging your own happiness.

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20 Fun Facts To Use When Introducing Yourself

As we embark on the semester, we are put on the spot in order to share interesting details about ourselves. This article discloses possible fun facts to tell others!

After experiencing my first week of classes, I have learned that every student needs a handy-dandy list of fun facts about themselves to tell other people. Many professors use the first couple of classes to learn about their students, so you may need to think about who you are and how you want to introduce yourself to your professor and classmates. We all have that one go-to interesting fact about ourselves, but sometimes you just have to mix it up!

1. My favorite hobby is...

What do you do in your free time? Personally, I love to stay active! I am a competitive Latin dancer and enjoy teaching and taking Zumba classes, going to the gym, and hiking.

2. I love...

Is there something, someone, or somewhere that you love? What makes your heart ache? What do you miss when it's gone? I can say that I love my friends because I feel my most confident when I'm surrounded by those who love and support me.

3. I look up to...

Is there someone you adore? Who mesmerizes you? Who do you wish to learn from? After watching "A Ballerina's Tale," I discovered Misty Copeland. In 2015 she became the first African American ballet dancer to become the Female Principal Dancer at American Ballet Theatre. Her passion, grace, and strength continuously motivate me to better myself as an athlete and an individual.

4. This art speaks to me because...

Coco Chanel said, "In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different." This encourages me to always follow my heart no matter what. I will never follow society's standards and norms because they do not define me. Chanel's saying definitely influences my character and lifestyle.

5. A funny and/or embarrassing memory of me is...

When you make others laugh they want to spend time and make memories with you! Don't be afraid to embarrass yourself. You will come off as down to earth, easy-going, and loyal.

6. My siblings or lack thereof influenced me by...

I can go on and on about my brother, who is 10 years older than I. We have opposite personalities and despite the age gap, we're quite close.

7. My pet(s) are my life because...

Only sad people don't like hearing about furry creatures, even if your pets are slimy and slithering creatures all human beings enjoy hearing pet tales!

8. I'm afraid of...

Your personality can be revealed by your likes and dislikes, including the things that you fear. I am terrified of change and the unknown, hence, the future is an anxiety-inducing topic to discuss for me.

9. I am the way I am because...

What have you gone through in life that has shaped you into who you are today? Remember to be open minded and allow yourself to open up to your peers. You may be surprised by how others respond and/or what others have endured as well.

10. The most unusual item that can be found in your dorm...

This is a fun fact about yourself that can easily liven up an awkward conversation. Think about your quirks and differences! One item I have in my dorm is my teddy bear, Peter, whom I like to joke is my boyfriend.

11. My dream job is...

In college, "What's your major?" is a widespread question. Nonetheless, skip the boring statement of "I'm majoring in..." and go in depth on what your dream job is (hopefully your major factors in to this dream of yours).

12. My hidden talents are...

Angelina Jolie is a knife thrower. Kendall Jenner can produce bird noises. Amanda Seyfried can crochet and knit. Is there anything special you can do? Some people have rare and unique talents, maybe you can think of some hidden talents of your own!

13. My guilty pleasure is...

I will say it a million times: don't be shy when introducing yourself to new people! I'll start by divulging my guilty pleasure: Youtube's family vlogging channel, "OKBaby"!

Check them out:

14. Some activities on my bucket list are...

This is an easy way to grab people's attention and find others with similar desires as you. Be an adventurer! Go out of your comfort zone!

15. Talk about your best friend...

How would your best friend describe you? What do you love to do with your best friend?

16. Talk about an accomplishment of yours...

You are incredible and have achieved so much! Reveal something that you are proud of — show off a little!

17. This one time at my job...

Bosses breathing down your neck. Curious coworkers asking personal questions. Cursing customers who never leave you alone. Your job can be filled with tons of hilarious situations that can easily entertain a crowd.

18. During the summer...

Any scars with stories? Any summer flings? Any lessons learned from the tanning too long? Now that summer is over, disclose memories that can leave positive impressions on others.

19. I volunteer at...

Do you do any community service? Share a funny moment while you were volunteering. What did you learn while there? Would you continue?

20. [blank] is meaningful to me because...

What do you appreciate in life? What brightens your day? What makes you fall in love? What does someone have to do to make you smile?

Finally, remember to be outgoing! Reveal that three-mile smile and open your arms to learning about others. Spread smiles, love, and happiness.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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How To Cope With A Best Friend Breakup

Breaking up with a boyfriend is one thing, but breaking up with your best friend is a whole new level of heartbreak.


We all know breakups can be tough, but when that breakup happens to be between you and your best friend, things reach a new level of heartbreak. I met my best friend junior year of high school after our Spanish teacher randomly assigned us to be partners; we struggled so much in that class but in the end, we truly became inseparable. When senior year rolled around we were still close as ever; people would often joke that we were sisters because we looked and acted so much alike. We would go on little dates together, go to parties together, and were always the first person we called when something "major happened."

When my best friend's boyfriend of four years cheated on her while we were spring breaking in Europe, it became my duty to make her feel better; I would randomly drop off flowers and little notes to her house, spend countless hours just listening to her cry and vent, and even stopped talking to people associated with her boyfriend so as to show my "support." All of these things were no big deal to me considering I loved this girl like a sister; whatever she needed I was there to give that to her.

Things soon took a sharp turn when we entered not only the same college but the same sorority. While I was struggling with the social aspect of FSU, my best friend soon found new best friends. When I started having major issues with my boyfriend, I would automatically text/call my best friend as she did with me, but instead of support, I got the sense that she was passive and uninterested. Our little dates and goofy inside jokes disappeared and reappeared between her and her new friends, and my comfortableness around her soon turned into insecurity.

Coming to terms with the fact that the girl I knew everything about is now basically a stranger was a hard one to overcome; I didn't want to accept the fact that my best friend decided it was time to find new ones. It's heartbreaking knowing that the special things you shared with a person are now being shared with others, and it's hard to accept the fact that you aren't wanted or needed by the one person you thought would be by your side forever.

Since school has ended I think I have accepted the fact that we're no longer what we used to be. Of course, it still stings when I see social media posts with her new, college friends, but I just have to remind myself that this is part of life and I just have to move on. I will forever cherish the memories I made with her, but it's time to acknowledge that they were made with someone in my past, not with someone in my present.

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