In the great words of Paramore, “For a Pessimist, I’m Pretty Optimistic.”
I have found in the scheme of life that no matter how you see yourself, others perceive you differently. I have grown as an individual, but along the way, I have gained a taste for finding the glass half empty. This isn’t constantly true, but when others see a rainbow, I still comment on the storm.
My realization of my pessimism started in high school. I hated it the entire way through, but easing into my senior year, I became very consumed in how much I wanted to graduate. I began writing rather depressing works in English without noticing. Even though I didn’t realize then, others did. My senior year was the first time I was told I was slightly pessimistic, and it startled me that I agreed. I guess it wasn’t all that surprising, but it made me feel even worse than I already did. I figured it was because I was ready to graduate, and I'd be happier once I went to college.
At school, the glass was finally half full. I was having the time of my life deciding what I wanted to do with my future and was spending it with the best friends I’ve ever had. College gave be a new breath of air, and I loved it more than I could’ve imagined. Things were great, and I didn’t want anything to change. Then time decided to switch things up a bit. I still loved school, but it was challenging me on a level I could no longer handle. I began to see the negatives again which lowered my tendency to be happy.
The difference this time around was that no matter how many mental breakdowns school brought me, I was spending all of my time with my best friends. They somehow made my problems disappear, making the glass half empty vanish altogether. I was still pessimistic, but the people in my life made it so the negatives didn’t seem quite as bad as I was making them out to be. I was finding that I could control my thoughts by focusing on other happy topics or procrastinating them to a later time.
This strategy doesn’t always work though, especially when people become the problem. I was told again in college that I looked for negatives instead of positives, and I agreed for a second time. Little things got the best of me. I focused on the negatives so that I wouldn’t have to find a solution. This caused problems though, and I finally decided that pessimism wasn’t a good color on me. The process has been long but changing an entire mindset doesn’t happen overnight.
Through everything, I have found an optimistic aspect in my pessimism. The good things for others are amazing for me. The memories I hold onto leave tears in my eyes because I miss them so much. Although I have a tendency to dwell on the negatives, it makes the positives that much better. The people in my life mean more to me than I can explain, and I hope the times I spend with them never end. I may find the glass half empty, but when I’m optimistic it’s always 100% full.
