I have always been a skinny person, but that doesn't mean I haven't struggled with loving my body. I haven't had to deal with the judgement that many women who are bigger than me have had to experience, but the feeling of not being good enough for society's beauty standards still exists. I never felt skinny enough; my thighs were too big, my stomach not flat enough, my hands too masculine-- there was always something I wanted to change about my image.

But I never felt like I was actually "allowed" to feel insecure with myself because I was still often told how pretty and thin I was. I would say thank you, even if I didn't actually feel like I was.

Over the last few years I have been gaining weight. When I first noticed, I was really upset. I know how society feels about people who aren't the "right" weight, and it isn't nice. Recently there was an article that was doing a great job at shaming women for being overweight. (Emphasis on the shaming of women. If it were really a health concern, wouldn't all people be included? Many other people of all genders experience body insecurities, and they are just as important, but this article targeted women in particular.) The article was claiming that body positivity ignores the negative health effects that extra weight has on a body.

While it's quite true that more weight can affect a person's health, it is no one's business but their own. Not only that, many of these people who claim to be worried about a person's health only seem to care about the health effects of extra weight, but not the health problems associated with someone who is underweight (and don't even get me STARTED on eating disorders).They also don't take into consideration that just because a person is skinny, doesn't mean they are healthy, and vice versa: a skinny person isn't automatically healthy. I may not be a big girl, but I am not super healthy or in the best shape. There are many people with fuller figures than mine who are in WAY better shape. I commented on the article that sparked my idea for this one: "But a skinny girl can also be unhealthy. That's the point being argued. Light weight does not equal healthy and heavy weight does not equal unhealthy. And more often than not, girls who are overweight are shamed for being unhealthy while underweight women are not. The matter isn't that health isn't important, it's more that people claim their comments on another's body are about health when really it's just about weight."

Thanks to a bit of soul searching, and reading lots of body positivity blogs, I was determined to not let a bit of weight gain make me unhappy. I'm growing up, and with that I am developing a more adult-sized body, and I shouldn't be ashamed of it.

In that same vein, I have been working to erase any shame I have ever carried for other naturally occurring features of my body. The most socially prominent one? Body hair. I refuse to shave my arms, even if people comment on how much hair I have on them. I am learning to love the light blonde hair that cover my arms. I also don't worry about the hair on my face, toes, or fingers. I'm human, hair happens. I do choose to shave my legs, but I am no longer embarrassed if I go out in public without shaving them. I am still a bit self-conscious about my bikini area hair, but I am working to get over that too. If someone doesn't like it, they don't need to be looking! It's none of anyone's business but my own anyway. The same goes for armpit hair. I don't want to have to shave, but I do for fear of social stigmatization (mainly because I have to wear a tank top for work). One day, I am sure I will get over any fear I have.

Now that I've learned how to love myself, from my American thighs to the jiggle in my belly, I wonder what I ever had to worry about. Some people may not find me attractive, but I don't care what other people say about me. I am happy in my body, and everyone deserves to be as well.