It was never okay. It will never be okay. Sexual assault is an issue that college campuses struggle to battle everywhere and frankly, they’re losing the fight. There isn’t a single campus in the country that doesn’t face the terrible culture of sexual assault. At the University of Alabama we promote change through student groups, advocacy organizations and resource centers, but it still happens. Why? I’m not going to pretend like I have the answer, but it’s a question we need to explore. As a male student at a university massively affected by sexual assault, this is my perspective.
I grew up an only child raised by a single mother. You can imagine how that would shape my views towards women, not that it’s the only factor. I grew up around strong and amazing women my whole life. Going through public school in Massachusetts, I never saw sexual assault or rape … or so I thought. Looking back, it’s obvious where this problem begins. Sexual assault begins when sexuality begins. We didn’t know good from bad or right from wrong when it comes to sex in middle school and high school. Many young people come out of that era knowing the difference between consensual activity and assault, but some don’t. When they get to college, they suddenly have a lot of freedom and don’t know how to handle it. We see it with alcohol and drug abuse as well. By this time, all we can do is remind them that it’s bad, but people are assaulted regardless. Then, we do things to help the victims, which is great, but the damage was already done. The crime has already been committed. The wound still leaves a scar.
When I joined a fraternity here, I had hopes that I found myself a group of young men that I could associate myself with that wouldn’t be guilty of committing such crimes. So far, I’m still satisfied with my decision. This doesn’t mean we are the only group with a clear conscience, though. It seems as though on a daily basis, males in Greek organizations are targeted for sexual assault accusations. This may be deserving, to an extent, but there is a pressure that comes with that for people like me. I tend to feel exiled among people in Greek life because of the way that I refuse to disrespect women, even if the talk they expect me to contribute to is with harmless intent. To be realistic, I know that when some guys make jokes, they would never act upon it. However, in no way does it make that behavior acceptable. I have also been praised for how I respect and treat women, and that embarrasses me. It shouldn’t be uncommon.
This paradox of humor and affliction creates a situation in which we overlook what’s happening outside of those jokes. Our vision is blurred to the actual damage being done elsewhere, because we don’t know humor from harm. We forget the difference between good and bad once again. The only way to fix this problem is to trace it back and make sure that we don’t cloud our vision. But, how? If we can’t even stop college kids from sexually assaulting people by telling them not to, how could we ever convince them to stop joking about it? It starts earlier than college. We trace the problem back to children. If we can educate kids in middle school and high school about sexual assault prevention, they will enter their college lives, hopefully, being more aware of the danger and less likely to commit the crime.
In the meantime, people will make their jokes while organizations promote change. Girls will still be sexually assaulted and the university will focus its most primary attention to more prided things like football and making over a million dollars in parking violations each year. Not to mention, the average freshman girl will not know who to tell if she is assaulted in the midst of this all. Police will continue to lose the filed rape reports in messy offices and we will continue to lie to ourselves and claim that the solutions actually solve the problem.
