You have Depression, and it feels like nobody can possibly understand it. Life is difficult enough without your own brain working against you every step of the way. I understand you because I am you.
It’s hard to get out of bed every morning when you feel like you’re going to fail at everything you try. It feels like you're just barely getting through every day and not doing anything remotely spectacular. You're surviving, and that's it.
It’s true that everyone goes through stuff, and no one’s life is easy. However, you can’t help but imagine how much easier average things would be to handle if you had normal brain chemistry.
The hardest part might be feeling like there’s no end, and not being able to see if or when it will come. You just want to feel like yourself again. You used to like yourself and be proud of who you were. Where did that go? You can’t pinpoint a specific time when everything changed. It was a slow progression into feeling as hopeless as you do know, and you wish that you would have realized what was happening sooner.
You are not alone. It’s true that no one can fully understand everything that’s going on in your head, but others with a mental illness can come close. I’ve had anxiety for as long as I can remember, but I’ve just recently been diagnosed with depression too. These past few months have felt like the semester from hell. I’m not doing as well as I should be doing in my classes, I’m not participating and going out with my friends like I used to, and I feel like everything about who I am has changed.
Whatever negativity you’re dealing with on a regular basis, whether it’s similar to how I feel or not, there are people who understand. It probably feels like you’re not worthy of help. You think that you aren’t good enough for the people around you. You imagine scenarios which prove that none of your friends want you around. I do the same thing every day.
None of the bad things you’re saying to yourself are true. I fight against these thoughts every day. It’s exhausting, and sometimes I lose. Some evenings it feels like I can’t handle a single more thing the day can throw at me and I’m in bed by 5 pm. Some mornings I can’t get up, so I stay in bed until well into the afternoon. When I think about it like this, I know that I’m not in a good place, and I haven’t been for a long time.
To the people that feel the same things I feel, I just want you to know that it will get better. Nothing is permanent. Imagine the good days, when you feel just a little bit of motivation to do what you need to do or go to class. Hold onto those good days. I know it seems impossible to imagine, but eventually, the good days will outnumber the bad days. You will feel better.
You’re going to be happy again, hold onto that.
