Hello, beautiful people! I've decided to grace Odyssey's presence with yet another article, which has become a rarity over the past year. If you're wondering why and you're one of the few people that read my stuff on here, well I'm writing to show how I've grown and changed over the past three/four years. Four years ago this month, I lost my dad to cancer and I talked about in a post on Odyssey (Here's a link to it to give you some context if you're like what the heck is this chick talking about). So, this post is me revisiting who I am and what I have done since.

First of all, I would like to touch on why I decided to do this, as I keep going back in forth in my mind on if I even want to, but I decided why not? What have I got to lose? (For those of you who read my first post, yeah I still say this.) I'm writing this for all the people whose parent might have died and you're so lost and 'in a fog' as I like to call it and you're clueless about how you're going to survive without one of the people that gave you life. Never fear, you will get through it and it will suck (A LOT), but it does get better.

Take it from someone who knows. So, I'm writing this for y'all, and if you hate it now, that means I'm doing my job because this is something you're not going to want to hear. I was the same way, you couldn't tell me the loss of a parent gets better three years ago, maybe even a year ago. I thought it was crap, but I was wrong. The truth is I was super unhappy because my life changed in a drastically fast and crazy way that some may call earth-shattering, and it was making me cynical and bitter about something that I didn't have control over (which I also thought was crap, because I'm a control freak and a planner, just ask my boyfriend).

So, yes. I've had this wonderful epiphany, especially in the last few months, that life does go on. Life gets better. I can breathe a little better every day. Instead of dreading to move on without my dad, I welcome it because that's what you have to do at some point for your mental and emotional sanity. Last year, I had a terrible experience at a school that I thought I was so in love with and came to realize I hated along the way.

That worsened things, too. I was very depressed, I hated school, but I knew that in order to get to where I am now I had to tough it out. I wanted to go to UNC-Chapel Hill, and I knew that if I dropped everything and ran, my chances would be shot at getting accepted, so I toughed it out. So add on the layer of depression from misery at school to the misery of losing my father, and you have a perfect recipe for bitterness. I cried almost every day, which if you didn't know that, I'm not proud of it and not many people know that, but it's a reality.

I hated school that much, and I hated the world that much for taking my dad away from me and crying was something I could control.

But then, this crazy thing happened - I got into UNC and my silver lining revealed itself. Fast forward to now and I'm a healthy, happy bean in a world full of crazy people, but it's OK because I'm genuinely happy. I've lost some people along the way, people that were dragging me down (you know who you are, and if you don't then you need to take a good look in the mirror sweet pea because you made things worse for me), but nevertheless, I persisted. I moved on.

I changed my life for me not you, because not being happy was my problem not the rest of the world's. I changed my life because I was becoming someone I didn't recognize, and I got tired of taking people's crap and not doing things for myself. I've always been stubborn, but last year I was more defeated than anything else. I was grieving my dad because I was away from home and had so much time on my hands to think about how much I needed him, especially at such a confusing time in my life. I was angry that I had gone to a college that was full of people that I didn't really like that much except for a select few (you also know who you are you beautiful humans). Nevertheless, though, I persisted.

I've gotten an internship, I'm working for a newspaper, I'm still with the guy I will love forever because he's that awesome, I am representing my school as an ambassador within my major, and I'm living life to the fullest by eating whatever I please and attacking puppies that aren't mine. If that's not promising, then I don't know what is!!!

So, in conclusion, I'd like to say that this year (and the last four years since my dad died), I've changed for the better, I'm happier than I've ever been and I love life more than I ever have. I live for my dad (shoutout to my first post once again) because he'd want me to. Things will get better, you will cry a lot if your parent has died (at some point it will hit you), you will be very angry at the world and people you love because you know they will take it (shoutout to my boyfriend, my besties and my mom, y'all rock), you will lose people along the way, you will find out who your real friends are, but most importantly, it will get better and you will be happier in the end because of your heartache. That is all of the inspiration I have for you,

P.S. If you're reading this and thinking, "Oh my god, I want to talk to her because she gets it, please reach out to me! I'm on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram so feel free to hit me up if you need to vent because sometimes that's all you need. Peace and love my friends, I will be posting something else in another four years...