Life can be going great, until one day the ground you are used to walking on completely comes up from under your feet and turns your world upside down. Nearly three years ago, my world shattered into a million little pieces. My dad, very unexpectedly, died from multi-organ cancer.
Yeah, it's a real game changer for people that don't know me well to ask me, "So, Lauren, where's your dad? Is he on the way?" Or when people ask me, "Are your parents going to be coming to so-and-so?" And, depending on the day, I either respond "Yeah, my mom is coming." or "No, my dad died several years ago from cancer." The look on their faces with the second response is one of sheer fear; I believe that people think I'm going to get into a ball and start sobbing or something, because they usually ditch the conversation pretty quickly after I say that. It's the truth, though, and it becomes challenging after awhile to get away from the topic of your parents, seeing as how they raised me and all. I have found that it is better to be straight up about it than trying to run away from the subject.
I grew up as the quiet nerd in class who didn't really have that many friends. I had gone to a private school up until the end of freshman year, and then I transferred to a public school closer to home to start sophomore year. That was an eye-opening experience in itself, but it was the best decision I ever made to transfer schools.
Everything was going great, but when March rolled around, my dad came home from work one day in a lot of pain. My mom and I stayed with him at the hospital several times, and we dragged him to see doctors, and on and on; then, after the first week in May, Dad passed away. It was very fast, very unexpected, very unforgiving, and it obviously made me very angry and very sad. Looking back, though, I don't think I could've watched him suffer much longer, so there is a sense of relief when someone you love's pain is over. I was in what I like to call an "emotional fog" for several months, and I honestly don't remember much about the end of that school year or that summer.
After losing Dad and getting over the initial shock, though, my outlook on life changed drastically. I became a totally different person in some ways and stuck to who my dad had taught me to be in others.
Once I started to come back down to reality, I completely changed the way I thought and felt about everything. I didn't want to become one of those people that shuts everyone out or missed out on things a normal high school student would do just because I was afraid of something happening to me or the people I loved. And before I knew it, I had a supportive group of friends that were there for me through it all, I had fallen in love with the guy of my dreams (that measured up to my dad's and my standards), and I was able to put one foot in front of the other to get through each day. I'm not afraid to feel anything anymore either, because at least I'm feeling something and experiencing life; that's more than my dad is able to do, so I live for him everyday.
I do think of him often, I do shed a tear every once in awhile, and I do have meltdowns on occasion; but I also have a guardian angel now that watches over me. He would not want me to sit and watch while everyone else is having fun; he would want to me to take advantage of every opportunity (even if it will lead to trouble sometimes) because, why not?
