Everyone enjoys a simple trip to the neighborhood Waffle House every once in awhile. In fact, I dined there just this morning, at 12:30 a.m. to be exact. While I still feel a little greasy, I regret nothing, and neither should you. While I’m on the topic of my favorite nighttime destination, Waffle House becomes an interesting place to observe people, as it is open at all hours of the day and night. And I can say with confidence that anytime you enter through the WaHo door, you are guaranteed to notice each of the following five types of people doing the exact same thing you’re about to do: Relish in the most delicious of breakfasts while immersed in the warmest of atmospheres.
1. Two tables-worth of inebriated college students.
Whether these adolescents have just been kicked out of the fraternity party down the street for putting a hole in the ceiling or flooding the upstairs bathroom or whether they need a hefty serving of grease to regain the strength necessary to lumber home, college students flock to their neighborhood Waffle House to enjoy a final hurrah with their comrades before calling it a night. Curing that dreaded hangover before the hour of 2 a.m. is necessary, and they’ll thank those All-Star Breakfasts tomorrow morning as they make their long walks to class.
2. The man sitting alone at the counter.
No one knows what this man’s story is. From his bloodshot eyes, scruffy hair and beard, “Make America Great Again” hat, and that pack of Newports sitting next to his orange juice, we can only imagine that this man has seen better days. Fortunately for him, Miss Debbie, his waitress tonight, has taken an interest in his case and has doubled his hash-brown order and has thrown in a side of sausage without charging him extra. Not all heroes wear capes.
3. The family of seven traveling across the country.
No matter the time of day or night, we are all guaranteed to have a run-in with this large family of seven grossly overweight people, each of whom is wearing a bright orange shirt that reads “Braxton Family Reunion, Summer 2016.” These individuals undoubtedly cause us the most unease as we stare into our coffees and ponder life while calculating the approximate number of calories we are about to ingest. The father is definitely talking loudly on his phone, presumably to his mother who is awaiting his arrival at the family reunion to which the shirts refer. The mother always has a baby on her lap and feeds the infant applesauce while she yells at her other four miscreant children as they argue about whether they should play “Free Bird” or “Blinded by the Light” on the jukebox. Neither song will suffice, thank you.
4. The gang of truckers who need that cup of coffee to push through the night.
These men are probably indirectly responsible for the overwhelming sense of anxiety that we all have as we travel along the interstate. However, these men seem nice enough as we all casually eavesdrop on their boisterous conversation regarding which “Back to the Future” movie was better. One of these winsome males even pays for our meals, without fail, each and every time.
5. The husband and wife who have been married for 60 years.
Whether this couple is stopping by WaHo after the Sunday morning church service or after a long day of travel, they light up the harshly-lit room with their sweet demeanors and noticeable infatuation with one another. They sometimes eat for free, and all the waiters know their typical orders by heart. This couple is comprised of two people, either named Mr. Rupert and Miss Sally, Dr. Stanley and Miss Loretta, or Mr. Jim-Bob and Miss Lavinia. And they have been visiting the same Waffle House since it opened. For them, Waffle House truly is a Waffle Home.
