Do you ever feel like people don’t appreciate the things that you do for them? You spilled out all your blood and guts for them and they just trampled right over it? You put your whole heart and soul into something that they didn’t really seem to care about? You cleared your schedule for them and they filled theirs in return?
You try to say all the right things. You try to be all the right things for everyone, because that’s what you feel like you are meant to do. Your greatest fear is being a burden to somebody. You shrink behind unanswered texts or unenthusiastic replies. You hate messing up, because you hate causing anyone else extra work.
Sound familiar? It sure does to me, because I am definitely this person. I get frustrated when I am not enough for someone else, because I am so willing to be. Whatever role it may be, daughter, sister, aunt, friend…I want to be the best I can be at it. I want to be a confidant, someone people can trust…so it hurts when other people don’t need that from me.
I’ve never thought of myself as much of a people pleaser, but I’ve realized lately that I was viewing it all wrong. If I am so afraid of being a burden to people, then I must naturally want to make their lives easier. If I want make their lives easier, that means I want to please them. Ouch.
So yeah, I guess I am a people pleaser. And you know what? That’s not all bad (but it can be). I think everybody wants to please others to some degree. At least, I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t. But there’s a world of difference between lightening another’s burden and wanting to completely carry it for them.
I constantly hear about how people can’t fulfill you. Men can’t complete you, your kids can’t be your main source of happiness…it’s all over the place. It’s been drilled into me. But why have I never thought to flip the equation around?
You cannot fulfill anyone.
Even if you have every qualification that makes you perfect for the job, you can’t do it. People close up shop, board up their windows, and refuse to let you in, even if you come knocking. And that’s the reality of it—sometimes people don’t let you in. That does not mean that you are doing anything wrong. All it means is that you are not the source of happiness for others. No one needs you as much as you think they do, or as much as you want them to. That’s just the reality that I’ve learned that I’m now struggling to live out. I can’t fulfill anyone. And neither can you.
SEE ALSO: Why It's OK To Be Selfish
Maybe this all sounds a little bit too harsh, but it’s all in how you look at it. You don’t have to carry someone’s burden! You are not meant to do that. Let’s step alongside each other and help each other out, but let’s not get caught up in trying to carry a weight that is not ours to carry.
So today, if you’ve put more into a relationship than someone is willing to take, if you’ve put all that you have into something that just won’t give, maybe today is the day to realize that you’re not meant to be all things to everyone.
You are never enough, but thank God that He is enough! Let’s rest in that today.
XOXO, Abby
