Confessions Of A People Pleaser

Confessions Of A People Pleaser

I please people, but people don't always please me.
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When I was in kindergarten, I came home from school one day in tears. My mom asked me what was wrong, and I told her that kids in my class complimented my pencils. My mom, of course, didn’t understand why this was a problem. I then went on to tell her that because people liked my pencils, I gave them all away. I was then a sad little girl with no pencils.

This innocent little story lays out my main flaw that I still have today. I am a people pleaser. I always have been, and probably always will be. When I was younger, I believed this was a good thing. I strive to make others happy before myself. One of my favorite things in this world is to see people that I love smile.

As I’ve grown up, I’ve realized that being a people pleaser is often a huge problem for me. I give people everything, and often times, I end up with nothing. Most of my heart belongs to other people rather than to myself. I let toxic family members, friends and cute boys rob me of everything I have, and I end up feeling worthless.

I am guilty of offering up way too much at times. And trust me, some people have taken up on these offers and given me nothing in return. But I’m usually genuinely OK with it.

The thing to know is that, unfortunately, not all people are good people. Not all people are like you, and some people do not care at all how you feel.

I know that there are people out there like me. I have found a couple of them so far, and I love it when we compare stories. I am satisfied to know that I am not the only one who puts their whole heart into everything they do and the people they pursue.

At 20 years old, I am trying to find a balance between making others feel good and making myself feel good. I am starting to learn that it is OK to put myself and my emotions first.

Of course, I am partly to blame for the extent of my people-pleasing ways. I am old enough to know that my emotions and mental health should not come at the expense of someone else.

My mother says to me, “Katie, if you spend all of your time trying to make everyone else happy, the only person who won’t be happy is you.”

And this is true.

I like to think that I am generally a happy person. But sometimes I am not. And usually, my unhappiness comes from the fact that I cannot receive the approval of someone else.

I am starting to surround myself with an army of loved ones and friends who I don’t need to impress. I long to find people that appreciate me for me, and not what I can give them. But I would like to keep some of my innocence and giving spirit. I love to be able to give things to others without expecting anything in return. However, I need to learn when enough is enough. I need to start to see when someone is taking me for granted. Because sometimes I haven’t seen it soon enough. And, as you can imagine, it ends up breaking my heart.

It is perfectly acceptable to tell someone no when you want to. It is fine to deny the requests of others when you need some time for yourself. It is understandable if you want to do something to make yourself happy for a change.

Moral of the story: you can give some of your pencils away, but remember to keep some for yourself.

Cover Image Credit: Clickin Moms

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30 Things I'd Rather Be Than 'Pretty'

Because "pretty" is so overrated.
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Nowadays, we put so much emphasis on our looks. We focus so much on the outside that we forget to really focus on what matters. I was inspired by a list that I found online of "Things I Would Rather Be Called Instead Of Pretty," so I made my own version. Here is a list of things that I would rather be than "pretty."

1. Captivating

I want one glance at me to completely steal your breath away.

2. Magnetic

I want people to feel drawn to me. I want something to be different about me that people recognize at first glance.

3. Raw

I want to be real. Vulnerable. Completely, genuinely myself.

4. Intoxicating

..and I want you addicted.

5. Humble

I want to recognize my abilities, but not be boastful or proud.

6. Exemplary

I want to stand out.

7. Loyal

I want to pride myself on sticking out the storm.

8. Fascinating

I want you to be hanging on every word I say.

9. Empathetic

I want to be able to feel your pain, so that I can help you heal.

10. Vivacious

I want to be the life of the party.

11. Reckless

I want to be crazy. Thrilling. Unpredictable. I want to keep you guessing, keep your heart pounding, and your blood rushing.

12. Philanthropic

I want to give.

13. Philosophical

I want to ask the tough questions that get you thinking about the purpose of our beating hearts.

14. Loving

When my name is spoken, I want my tenderness to come to mind.

15. Quaintrelle

I want my passion to ooze out of me.

16. Belesprit

I want to be quick. Witty. Always on my toes.

17. Conscientious

I want to always be thinking of others.

18. Passionate

...and I want people to know what my passions are.

19. Alluring

I want to be a woman who draws people in.

20. Kind

Simply put, I want to be pleasant and kind.

21. Selcouth

Even if you've known me your whole life, I want strange, yet marvelous. Rare and wondrous.

22. Pierian

From the way I move to the way I speak, I want to be poetic.

23. Esoteric

Do not mistake this. I do not want to be misunderstood. But rather I'd like to keep my circle small and close. I don't want to be an average, everyday person.

24. Authentic

I don't want anyone to ever question whether I am being genuine or telling the truth.

25. Novaturient

..about my own life. I never want to settle for good enough. Instead I always want to seek to make a positive change.

26. Observant

I want to take all of life in.

27. Peart

I want to be honestly in good spirits at all times.

28. Romantic

Sure, I want to be a little old school in this sense.

29. Elysian

I want to give you the same feeling that you get in paradise.

30. Curious

And I never want to stop searching for answers.
Cover Image Credit: Favim

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Don't Forget About Self-Love

It's been a long winter, don't forget to put yourself first.

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For most people, spring break still isn't for another few weeks and let's be honest - it's very needed at this point. January felt like five months just by itself and it feels like winter has been going on for years. So amidst midterms, jobs, events, and everything else going on remember that sometimes you need to put yourself first.

It doesn't help anyone for you to be constantly busy and beating yourself up when one thing goes wrong. This especially doesn't help you. Everyone is feeling pressure from something, and no one is going to blame you for using some of your free time to get yourself back on track. You're much more useful when you're cup is full than when you're completely drained from trying to do everything at all times.

In college, we learn to be people-pleasers whether we want to or not. You want to impress your professor, your boss, and even your friends. You want everyone to think that you are having the most amazing time at all times. Sometimes a lot of negative feelings come up when you can't be doing something for everyone and then you feel liked you've failed.

This pressure is especially true for graduating seniors. We're all so focused on what's next and how we can maximize all our time left that we forget to take care of ourselves. We take on every project we can to prove we can do it. We try to hang out with everyone we know because we may never see them again after graduation. We constantly worry that we're just running out of time to do everything. Sometimes we forget that if we burn ourselves out now, we're not going to be able to do much later.

While the solution isn't to just give up and become a hermit, we need to realize that sometimes the best thing to do is to take a step back. If you have thirty different projects going on ask for help on some of them. Collaborating is much easier than drowning in endless work. If you have free time and you've been busy all week take a night off instead of committing to seeing every friend you have. Self-breaks are sometimes the best breaks.

In the end, remember that you're not alone by any means when it comes to anything you're feeling and sometimes it just takes getting away to get better.

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