In the mind of someone who is a people pleaser, there is a constant anxiety to make everyone around you happy, even if it impacts your own happiness. Doing things for others is constantly in the forefront of your mind and it is hard to say no when a friend asks for a favor or to borrow something. Your biggest fear is disappointing someone, or even worse, making them upset. This constant anxiety tears you a part when you accidentally do hurt someone else. People pleasers are some of the nicest people you will ever meet, but they are sensitive, and in great danger of being manipulated. In society, having the "people pleasing" title can bring the words pushover, or gullible to ones mind. The term generally promotes a negative connotation. However, I am here to tell you that being coined a people pleaser is not a bad trait. Being sensitive and emotional just means you are more aware of how your actions effect others and how others are feeling. People pleasers are kind. They will do anything to make you feel better about whatever is on your mind.
However, I do not have enough fingers and toes to count how many times I have done something for someone out of sheer terror that I'm going to disappoint them if I do not. Putting people's needs and wants before your own is a sign of selflessness but there has to be a balance. It is healthy to put your self first sometimes. You can not make everyone happy.
If you are a people pleaser and are looking to change some of your habits to ease your anxiety, I came up with a few ways to do just that.
1. Stop saying you're sorry if it is unnecessary
The easiest way for someone to walk all over you, is if you are constantly feeling guilty for imaginary problems.
2. Not everyone is going to like you, that is okay
It is important to accept that people might just be having a bad day. People are not always going to be as nice or as sensitive as you. Not everyone is going to see you as "their cup of tea" and you have to realize, this is part of life. It is not your fault.
3. Set boundaries
Ask yourself what you are willing to do or want to do and do just that. No more, no less. Try and work around your personal schedule sometimes not just everyone else's.
4. Recognize when someone is manipulating you
Recognize when someone is taking advantage of your kindness and inability to say no. This is important because it is unhealthy and demeaning for someone to walk all over you. Distance yourself from that person and remind yourself of the personal boundaries you set.
5. It is okay to say No and don't look back when you do
Do not be afraid of confrontation when you are upset or someone acts in a way you don't like. DO not be afraid to say NO. Say no with authority and do not regret it. This will lead to you becoming stronger.
Implement some of these steps into your routine and seriously consider them. They will make your anxiety easier to handle. Do not stop being kind. Do not stop being selfless. Being a people pleaser is a great trait to have, and do not let anyone tell you otherwise. However, there is always ways to make life a little bit easier. The moral of the story is it is a great thing to make people happy, but you can't make people happy if your unhappy. Stand up for yourself, and be strong. The life of a people pleaser is not easy.
