They say that the first holiday is the hardest when you have lost a love one. This is especially true for me since today was around the time my Mom started having problems breathing. People tell you their stories about how difficult it would be to see that empty space at the family table, but what they don't tell you is the affect of the loss on other people.
When I made my mother's homemade dressing, I saw a few family members tearing up eating it and telling me it tasted exactly how mom used to make. This is true. My mother taught me how to make her dressing and I remember I called her on the phone asking her what seasonings we used while she was in the emergency room that day. It was a good memory for me and we all laughed at the fact I had to cook while she was at the hospital.
Despite all the laughs, there was a moment of silence for the smile not there; the laugh that we would never get out of our minds. It was my mother's laughter. I heard it clear as a bell yesterday, and it brought me so much joy. I wasn't the only one who heard her laugh. I think that my stepfather heard her laugh as well that night. The air was colder than before. I felt her pat my head as is to say, "Happy Thanksgiving, Annie Pie."
Even though her body was not there, we all smiled because we knew she was watching over us that night. We forget that the love we have for that person is still there. The love and compassion we have for that missing person in our life is what keeps us from being sad during the holidays. That night my mom was there. She was watching us eat her dressing that she taught me to make. She saw how happy my stepdad was with his new girlfriend.
She listened in on the stories we told about her, and she laughed along with us. The stories we tell of my mother's crazy adventures kept her memory alive. There was no sorrowful faces that night. It was the love of our family and the compassion we have for one another that turned that day into something special.
I certainly wish that everyone's experience of losing a loved one was like this. It's not about the loss, it's about the love that lingers on. It's important to remember that your mom loved you very much. She would want you to laugh and share stories with other people. That's what Thanksgiving or any other holiday with your family, should be about. Be thankful for that love.
I looked up at the sky and I smiled that night. When Mom went back to heaven, I whispered to myself, "Happy Thanksgiving, Mom. I am thankful for you."
