Whenever I have to supply a fun fact during the awkward icebreaker introductions during the first week of classes, my go-to answer is that in the last three years I have seen more than 150 bands/artists/performers. Due to an addiction to live music and a friend group fascinated with the festival circuits, I have seen concerts in various states and countries around the world. While the music and performance are different and magical every time, those in attendance are pretty predictable, regardless of where you are.
Here are nine people you are guaranteed to find at any concert EVER:
1. The mom with the elbows.
For some reason, Janet decided not only that she and her 8-year-old son should be in the mosh pit for Guns N Roses at Coachella, but also that Tommy deserves to see the stage more than anyone else. She is ready and willing to send elbows flying your way if you even dare to speak to her or her son ever again. Beware.
2. The girl whose friend "is literally right up there."
And then continues to plow past you with her arms linked with her 27 closest friends. You're not tricking me, girlfriend. These feet are planted.
3. The couple passionately making out.
It's always so sloppy. Usually, one, if not both participants, has spilled half of their $14 I.P.A. all over the floor, making the situation all the grimmer.
4. The awkward first date.
Going to a concert for a first date seems fun and different, right? But the reality is you can't really chat and that can make things a little uncomfy. Do you dance together? Do you stand side by side or one in front of the other? Is he really fangirling that hard over Camila Cabello right now? However, if things click and chemistry is flowing, please review #3.
5. The super fan.
This person is always wearing a DIY t-shirt dedicated to the performer that they will never wash again. The super fan knows every word, every harmony, every instrumental by heart. The mega fan will even have the choreography down. They are guaranteed to be at the venue hours (if not days) before the doors open and will most likely try to break into the tour bus.
6. The headbanger.
Usually equipped with shaggy hair and a mysterious cloud of smoke wafting above every few minutes, the headbanger never seems to know the words to a single song. However, that does not stop their enjoyment. They may need a neck brace by the end of the night, but the headbanging must go on, even to the crackly radio edit of "We Will Rock You" in between acts.
7. The self-proclaimed videographer.
Everyone knows concerts are best enjoyed through the screen of your iPhone 6 a few days post-performance, right? NO. Yet, for some reason, these attendees can never seem to lower their smartphone clad arm out of the sky. I promise you, you are never going to watch any of those videos ever again. Please just enjoy the moment. Also, I'm 5'2 and would love a little more free airspace. THANKS :-).
8. The reluctant significant other.
Often caught checking their phone every few minutes, this person is trying to be a good boyfriend/girlfriend but just isn't quite into the reunion tour of the emo, indie group that their S.O. was obsessed with in seventh grade. *Insert "Misery Business" by Paramore here*.
9. The guy who asks every girl in the audience if they want to sit on his shoulders.
Um, it's a hard pass from me, dude.