People are like an onion. Not in the sense that we smell horribly and when we are cut open people around us cry, but in the fact that we have many different layers to us. It is interesting how vastly different the same exact person can be when you see him or her at work and when you see them around his or her friends. Really getting to know people can be a struggle at times because we are not always open to showing our deeper layers. People are generally broken down into four vastly different layers that are seen by the people around us.
The public sees the first layer of a person. This is how the general population views you. Think about celebrities with this external layer. This exterior layer is based mainly off of assumptions. People will hear rumors about one another and decide to make brash judgments off of word of mouth, without ever knowing them on a personal level. We do this all the time with celebrities and say stuff like “wow, Kanye is a real asshole." Even though we don’t know 95 percent of the man’s life interactions. We aren’t quite on the scale of celebrities, but there is a population out there that only knows what others tell them about us and make judgments, for example, “oh look, there is Grant, he seems like a nice guy.” Or “oh there is Grant, I heard he hates puppies” (I don't, by the way). This outer layer is the shallowest of all layers.
The second layer is what our co-workers and those who are generally forced to be around us see. We might see them everyday and interact, but at the same time we continue to keep our guard up. We may show glimpses of who we are to these co-workers and have our personalities show, but we often restrict them from knowing our personal issues and our private life.
This third and deeper layer into our life is reserved for close friends and family. These are the people that we hold intimate relationships with. They are the ones that we continue to allow in our life. These people know many of the struggles that we endure. These are the ones that know that one mistake does not define the type of person you are and stick by your side because they know the real you. They know there is more to you than just that “basketball player” or “that quiet kid in class." They love you for the person you are.
This fourth layer is the layer that nobody knows of but you. This layer goes unseen by anyone. This final layer is where we hide our wildest dreams and our biggest fears. This layer is made up of all those conversations with yourself that you have when you are in the car alone. This layer is all the deep thoughts you have at night when you wake up at 3 a.m. and can’t sleep. Nobody my see what is at your core, but this is your purest form.
The crazy part about these layers is nobody can force you to open up. No one can make you bring down these walls to let them in. Know one is owed knowing your dreams and fears and discover the real you. This has been opening up has to happen naturally. Often I hear people complaining in a relationship that, so and so won’t let them in, so and so is distant, but this final layer isn’t for everyone to have access to. Opening up and allowing people in your life can only happen through trust. Trust is one of the most fragile things on earth. It can take years to build and only seconds to destroy. Which is the reason we protect this final layer so preciously.
