I have always had a problem with patience; my problem is that I don’t have much of it. I have too often: lost my temper, given harsh criticism, made my loved ones feel like a burden rather than cared for, rushed an assignment or project, and most recently gotten a speeding ticket as a consequence for my impatience. It’s a shame that I’ve taken precious time for granted. But who can blame me, when I’ve been raised in a society where time is money. I’ve looked up to the people that are always on to the next task and I’ve learned to believe that I should always be doing more. This summer I complained daily about how unhappy I was, when really I should have enjoyed more time with my family, enjoyed the weather; just taken the time to absorb in my life before things became more stressful in the fall.

Lately, I’ve had an extremely hard time concentrating on schoolwork. I am always fidgeting, and am writing/reading emails when people are trying to have conversations with me. It’s no doubt that I’ve been uneasy, I just didn’t understand why.

It hit me last Saturday night when I was stopped on the highway just five minutes away from my home. I was pulled over by a police officer. When he asked if I knew why he stopped me, I lied and said I was a bit unsure. But the thing is I knew I was speeding. I wasn’t proud of it, but I was exhausted after working and had an awful lot of homework left ahead of me. I’m the person that looks to cut off of a few minutes to everything I do. This is an awful way to go through life. My wanting to “save some time” could have ruined my car, landed me in the hospital, or WORSE, I could have seriously injured some others driving that night too. When I finally registered the pain and harm I could have caused to others I felt extremely guilty and upset by my impatience. My awful quality of impatience had reached a level of danger. My driving has been aggressive and speedy for an awfully long time, my words can often come out more hurtful than I ever intend. So how do I fix this, how do I fix me?

I just have to start on the long path of building up my patience. It’s going to be a day-by-day thing. Whenever I feel overwhelmed and anxious, I just have to pray. Talk to myself and register my surroundings so that I stop worrying about what’s next. I decided to start going to church again a few weeks ago in hopes that it’ll bring me some peace and help me to work on my patience. I stopped going to church a couple years ago because… you guessed it: I was impatient and anxious during mass. I’d sit there wondering why the priest couldn’t speed things up, I’d be ready to kneel when everyone was still standing and I’d be on the end of the prayer while the entire mass was in the middle of the prayer. I don’t want to be impatient anymore, it’s something easier said than done. But, it’s something that I finally feel ready to work on, something I have to work on.

A daily self-reminder:

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”

So, I might not get over the boy as fast as I’d like, I might not figure out my career goals, in the next month, I might have to sit in traffic a bit longer, and I’ll have to actually listen when people speak to me. These are a few of the aspects in my life that I’ll just have to accept, and I’m okay with it!