There is something so incredibly hard about losing the love of your life. I have learned that suffering is where we grow. Suffering is space for new life and self discovery. It is not easy, as a matter of fact I think it is the hardest thing to do, because no matter how much you know something is bad for you, you can still want it. I find that awfully sad, but I think it is part of God showing us how much we are capable of. We can sit and plan out every day for the rest of our lives, but there is no point because God has already done so and it is quite different than what we would scribble down on the back of chick fil a receipt.
I think one of the hardest parts of life is being in a bad situation and seeing the good in it. It is hard to be in a valley and see beyond the mountain you must climb. Every day you sit here sad over something that is not meant to be is one more day that we are being enslaved by “love” or what you thought was love. You are not a slave. You are a free spirit and a silly boy who could not appreciate every little part of your brain cannot take that from you.
No matter how hard we try to make someone love us, it is wrong if it feels like work. Love is suppose to set us free and make us better. He did not set you free. I know that is hard to hear; when you are with someone you think there is no greater love than what you shared, but turns out if this was true you would still be together. Think about how naturally it comes for God to love us. He sent his son to die so that we would be free, and if a boy cannot even send you a text back this is not the type of Godly love we were intended for. It is a hard pill to swallow, but once we accept that SOMEHOW we will be able to love again and it will be far better than before, we can liberate ourselves from the past years of our lives. How cool is that? The person we have become gets a new start. We can be reckless or safe, care free or stressed out, Godly or cruel: it is all for us to decide
It is not going to be easy. Some days it will feel like the whole world is sitting on your chest, but one day you will look at the things that remind you of him and it will just be a thing like any other. You will still think of him- but there will be this understanding and you will know thar you are okay and life is always going to get better. Because it does get better. Because you are more than the past few years. Because you are valued and worthy of more. Because God created you for something bigger.
