I always imagined how college life would be, with partying and drinking and meeting new people. In high school, I pictured standing in a room full of people, music blaring, having a good time with friends. As a freshman, I was excited when I was asked to attend the fraternity parties, and I spent hours getting ready to go out for the night. It was my favorite feeling in the world, knowing I’d be out with people I liked, and older kids who had been drinking. Now, as a college junior, I don’t get that feeling anymore. I’m past my party phase, and to me, that’s okay.

Freshman year, I felt like one of the coolest kids in school when I went to the fraternity functions. It was fun, especially going with friends. We all did each other’s hair and makeup, and I was always told that “no, [my] outfit doesn’t match,” but I was more than happy to let someone else show me what worked. It was a good way to bond with my floormates, and it was part of the “pregame” to the main event.

While we were out, the night always felt like a dream, because I had always wanted this life while in high school. It was great freshman year, making friends and making memories. By the time sophomore year rolled around, I wasn’t having fun anymore. I had made the assumption that going out was just the way things were on campuses, and I felt like not going meant I was missing out. I continued to go out, not only to see friends, but also to have fun with the fraternity brother I was dating. I was drawn into the illusion that I needed to party to have fun, but I knew that it just wasn’t fun for me anymore.

Now, as a junior, I find that going out isn’t my only source of entertainment. I have books to read, movies to watch, and friends that feel the same way. I am glad that I had my fun, but now that I don’t feel so obligated to join a crowd scene, I feel more relaxed. I have my own time to do things, and I don’t have to worry about someone else’s schedule or location. Some people have called me a grandma, and others say I’m missing out on the best years of my life. To me, the best years of my life will be those I lived on my own time, on my own schedule. Sometimes I still go out, don’t get me wrong, but now, even a book is a good substitute for a great night.