I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the words “girls actually do that” from guys of all ages and types. Yes, we actually do socially stalk a cute guy until we know that his sister’s best friend’s brother just turned fourteen. Yes, at sleepovers we actually do talk about our boyfriends and everything they do. Yes, we actually do read into everything a hundred-fold, then realize we’re doing so, try and take a step back, then read into it all over again. And yes, we actually do have a first date test.
I don’t care how long you have known someone, if you were best friends, or if you’ve hung out a million times: on your very first date, she is passing serious judgement on certain things. A girl may not realize it that very second (let’s face it, she’s probably too nervous about the date to notice anything), but later, when she’s running over the date in her mind or giving every detail to her girlfriends, she’ll notice if you did, or didn’t, check some of her boxes.
Not everything is a make or break. Some of these boxes are just bonus points to put you in her good books. Brownie points, if you will. A date could go absolutely disastrous, but when a girl looks back on the evening, she’ll notice some things you did and give that small half smile. The awe-he’s-such-a-gentleman-I-love-thatsmile that might just score you a second date.
So boys, here I am telling you how to win serious brownie points with a girl that you’re taking on the very first date.
1. Go to the door.
Okay, honestly step one is picking her up, but if that isn’t a given then maybe you shouldn’t be taking anyone anywhere. But, back to the point. I can’t tell you how impressive it can be when a young man actually comes to the door instead of sending me a quick “hey, I’m here” text. I’ll never forget what my true Southern mother drilled it into my head during high school: you aren’t leaving this house until that young man comes to the door to get you. Yes, it might seem a little excessive, after all, can’t she walk down the driveway on her own? No. No she can’t. Get up off your butt, walk the extra ten feet to her front door, knock, and watch the vision that is your date open the door. It’s not about what she can or can’t do. It’s about impressions. And seeing a guy walk those extra ten feet makes all the difference. When you come to the door vs when you don't:
Besides, you’re already going to need to be outside the car to…
2. Open. Every. Single. Door.
Open her car door for her. Once again, I feel like this is fairly obvious. Despite popular belief, chivalry isn’t dead, and by golly you should prove it. Walk her to the car and open her door like the true gentleman you are. And if you aren’t a gentleman, fake it till you make it. Now, I wouldn’t go as far as to make her wait in the car until you can get out and open her door for her to get out. That’s just a really long pause that is super awkward. Opening a car door for entrance is cute and gentlemanly; reopening it for an exist is weird and excessive.
Upon arriving wherever it is you’re going, open the doors to the building and let her walk in first. I can not tell you how many times a young man has opened a door for me...then walked in first. What? No. You opened the door for me. Get in the back of the line hun.
*BROWNIE POINTS* Pray that there is some little old lady or couple coming in right behind you. A) holding open the door for them makes you look ah-mazing in her eyes because not only are you polite towards her, you’re polite to strangers and that’s precious. B) If it’s one of those super cute old couples, they’ll say something about “what a nice young man you are,” then ask if you’re on a date, and you can sneak in a compliment like “yes ma’am/sir I am on a date, and it’s with that beauty right there.” BOOM. Cue the blush. She’ll have no idea what to say back, but that’s not important. You didn’t just compliment her; you did in front of other people. Which for some reason makes it feel more true. Don’t know why, just take a girl’s word for it.
3. Pay for the meal.
I’m not prepared to say this is expected on every single date you ever go on. But this isn’t just any date, it’s the first date. You need to show that you care enough about her that you’re willing to let her have anything on the menu. Even if it’s the most expensive thing since diamonds became a girl’s best friend. After the first date, some girls don’t like to have you pay for everything (it makes them uncomfortable), and some girls want you pay for anything (after all you asked her, not the other way around).
Make sure you know where the heck you’re going for food. Getting in a car and hearing the words “where would you like to eat” is a living nightmare. Why? 1. Some girls (like me) are so indecisive, especially about food. We don’t want to pick. It’s immediate panic, and you don’t want your date panicking in the first five minutes of the date. 2. If you haven’t already picked, it can make some girls feel like you haven’t thought enough about the date to have something pre-planned. Which means you don’t care about the date. Which means you don’t care about her. Which means you’ll never be together. Which means you’ll never have a baby boy named Daniel. Which means he can’t be an over-protective big brother to his little sister Christine. It goes back to the “reading into everything” thing. I know you’re probably just trying to be considerate and let her pick, or you don’t want to accidentally take her somewhere she hates, but just don’t. Just pick.
P.S. There really are girls who have thought about all of that in the time its actually taken you to muster up the courage to ask her out.
4. Know her dream date.
This is strictly a *BROWNIE POINTS* idea. If you’re really into this chick, and you want to pull out all the stops for your first date, talk to her best friends. One of them is bound to know what her dream first date is. For example, mine is that a guy takes me to an amusement park and rides every rollercoaster with me at least twice. (Hey not every girl is a sappy romantic). Then there are girls who would be over the moon if you went for a picnic then stargazed after the sun went down. Then there are girls who want to do something adventurous like hiking or kayaking. This idea is best served for a girl you’ve probably known for a little bit because doing something super intimate with a girl you just met might be a little weird. (But not mine. I don’t care how long we’ve known each other. Take me to Six Flags.) If you pull off her dream date in the first go-around, she might even consider you her real life Superman. Or Ken.
5. Smell Good.
Given right? Wrong. I don’t mean just smell clean. Smell Good. Like really good. (Don’t drown yourself though. You don’t want he to pass out). Want to know why girl’s love hanging on to her boyfriend’s jacket? Because it smells like his cologne which is heaven on earth. Want to know why they give it back? Because they’ve smelled it all up and want a new article of clothing so they can continue to sniff. Weird? Yes, but don’t judge. It’s actually been scientifically proven that certain smells can be an aphrodisiac. Take advantage of that nugget of knowledge. If you smell really good, when you go in a for a hug, she’ll probably linger longer just smell that, what she has now dubbed, him smell. She’ll forever associate that smell to you, and whenever you see her again, she’ll probably comment on it. I will admit that sometimes my friends and I would smell something ah-mazing then run around sniffing guys trying to figure out who it is. Weird... don’t judge.
This can work both ways. One of my favorite compliments, and this is coming from a girl who doesn’t know how to take one, a guy can give me is that he likes the way my hair smells. I have no idea why, but it does. Maybe it’s because it makes me think that he likes my hair enough to play with it. WHICH IS *BROWNIE POINTS*. Maybe that’s just me, but I highly doubt it. Girls love it when you casually play with their hair. Not necessarily complimenting it, because that’s taken as superficial. But if you actually play with it, it shows that you really do like their hair as much as you say you do. I talked to this one guy for nearly three months, and he played with my hair nearly every time I saw him. Even if we were in the middle of class, he would swirl it around his pencil or something. It was probably in the top five of my favorite things about him.
*MEGA BROWNIE POINTS*
6. Impress her parents.
It’s probably the hardest thing you’ll have to do, especially with her mother. Every guy thinks that it’s the dad you have to get by, but once you get past the crushing handshake and talk football/mechanics/anything her dad like, you’re solid. But a mother. Oh a mother is hard to impress. You can bet she’s watching from the window to see if you open the car door if your date is still at home/in school. A mother is the biggest critic (and the best of friends) because no-one is good enough for her baby. It’ll take time but a few ways can make it happen more quickly.
1. Bring the mom flowers.
2. Brag about her cooking, even it tastes like charcoal.
3. Tell her you know where *insert date’s name* gets her looks/brains/sense of humor form.
4. Tell her she has a lovely home, then mention something specific.
Basically anything you can comment on is the way to slowly win over her heart and blessing. Also, if you don’t think most girls come home and tell their mommas everything, you are so wrong it isn’t even funny. And mom’s will break down that date even harder than the girl you took out.
But if you can impress her parents or at least make a good impression the first time you meet them, she’ll have a lot more respect for. For me, my dad likes to break my date’s hand. So, if my date doesn’t wince and smiles while complimenting how great I am during the shake, he scores points. Family is important to a lot of girls, so if you can win some in that department, you’ve got a head start.
Take these tips and actually use them, no matter how weird or old fashioned they seem. Most girls watch for these things and are silently passing judgement on you when you do or don’t do them. Take the extra precedent and she’ll be more impressed than any other date she’s ever had. Good luck and may God be with you and you’re sweaty palms! Hopefully you don't fail!