1. We are the Coyotes.
The easiest way to be kicked out of Paris is to mispronounce “coyote.” We don’t care where you are from or how you were taught to say our beloved mascot’s name. In Paris, it is pronounced “ki-oat” NOT “ki-OH-tee.” Let me repeat this, if you can’t get it through your head, go ahead and pack up your bags because you aren’t going to convince anyone that you are correct.
2. The jail has the best view in town.
Want Paris’ only million-dollar view? You are going to have to kill for it. All jokes aside, the fourth floor of the Courthouse is home to the county’s delinquents. With cable, three meals a day, and a beautiful town right below your feet, what more could you possibly ask for?
3. Tractors are the stylish mode of transportation.
Why spend a fortune on renting a limo for a special occasion such as prom or a wedding, when you have an expensive tractor sitting in the field? A new tractor can cost nearly $100 grand so you might as well squeeze as much money out of your investment as you can. Besides, you will literally stop traffic.
4. The French jokes aren’t funny.
There are two types of reactions one may receive when sharing with someone for the first time that you are from Paris: the completely shocked and the not-so-funny jokers. The completely shocked genuinely wonder why your accent doesn’t sound French. The jokers will ask you to speak in French and you will proceed to retaliate by speaking in broken Spanish. For ice breakers you may say things like, “I’m from Paris…[long pause for effect]…Missouri, not France!” and then immediately regret it.
5. You drive by the funeral home to see if anyone died.
The quickest and most-reliable source of deaths in the area is none other than the Agnew Funeral Home’s window. It’s mandatory to swing by the funeral home before you head home from work.
6. Our newspaper is famous and you didn’t even know it.
Yes, it’s true. Norman Rockwell, arguably one of the most famous artists of American culture, came to Paris, Missouri in 1946 and painted “Norman Rockwell Visits a County Editor.” It features Jack Blanton, the editor of the Monroe County Appeal at it’s prime, and the newspaper office busting at its seams with customers. This past November, the painting sold for $11.5 million at auction.
7. The bar is actually a family restaurant.
The bar is a busy place on Friday and Saturday nights in Paris. It’s the place to go for some good food, to play a game of pool, or to sing some karaoke. Not only will you find the mid-20s regulars, but you will find the occasional 17-month old child being packed around by a waitress or a 70-year-old grandma celebrating her birthday.
8. Everyone waves. I mean everyone.
If you are new to the area and unfamiliar with this courtesy, my advice would be to get acquainted with it quickly. It is considered rude to not wave at a passing car while driving. If you don’t, you will be sure to hear about it at the grocery store the next day.
9. Going to the Florida Beach does not mean you are going to a beach in Florida, even though you can camp and have fun at the Key West Campground.
If you want to call sand surrounding a man-made muddy lake a beach, I guess it’s a beach. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a perfect and inexpensive place to get a tan or go swimming. Just don’t be surprised when you can’t see your feet…or your waist for that matter.
Last, but not least.
10. There is no excuse for not being involved at school.
With only 10 kids eligible for a sport and with 11 spots that need to be filled, there is room for everyone on a team or organization. Want to be in band and FFA? Go right ahead. Football and basketball? Have fun! Baseball, golf, choir, student council, and FBLA? Paris High School will help you make it work.
