You can't have a girls night in with Rory and Lorelai Gilmore without a healthy -- or crazy, depending on how you look at it -- dose of Paris Geller thrown in the mix. While she may have a tendency to be incredibly annoying at times, she is often very amusing. She is very intelligent and busy with her own life, so she has no time or tolerance for the stupidity of others. She is very blunt -- and can sometimes be a little bit harsh -- when she is in the presence of morons. Paris is notorious for combating her peers' ignorance with her quick-witted insults. Here are the ten best Paris Geller insults from the "Gilmore Girls" series.
1. "Well, then keep your knees shut."
When Louise says she doesn't want to end up like Lorelai, pregnant at 16, Paris can't resist commenting on her sex life. She shoots down two birds with one insult, insulting both Louise and Lorelai.
2. "You offer nothing to women or the world in general."
Paris is very protective over her friends. If you are a guy and Paris doesn't like you, be prepared to have your manhood insulted.
3. "You, Logan Huntzberger, are nothing but a two-bit, spoiled, waste of a trust fund."
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And if she really, really doesn't like you, you will get a long-winded insult. Maybe even a door slammed in your face.
4. "Please remember that I am your editor. I am not your mother or your hugger. If you need some love, get a hooker. If you're having a bad day, find a ledge or a way to deal. My door is not open to you. Ever. You have five minutes to enjoy your cookies."
She is a ruthless editor who will stand for nothing less than absolute perfection. Her superpower is making people cry and ruining their cookie time.
5. "Tie your tubes, idiot."
She cannot stand stupid people. They are a waste of space and should never be allowed to reproduce, as they would most likely just add more stupidity to this world.
6. "We had to stop and eat first in case the food here sucked."
Clearly, Paris has never been to a Friday night dinner at the Gilmore grandparents' or to one of their functions. Emily Gilmore would never permit any food in her house that was not superb.
7. "For God's sake, Grandpa, you're 18. Sleep when you're dead."
She has no empathy for others' issues or misfortunes, especially if they inconvenience her.
8. "Fall in a hole!"
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Paris' most clever and articulate insult and my personal favorite.
9. "What are you gonna do without a college degree? Drive a forklift?"
If she does not approve of your life choices, she will criticize them. And she won't feel bad about it, either.
10. "Was the last time you had an interesting thought when you considered flinging yourself off a building?"
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Harsh. But she also really doesn't like people who are boring. She has no filter.
Well, there you have it. Paris Geller is a master of witty insults and is always ready with one at the drop of a hat. But don't take her insults too personally. She insults everyone, even her best friend.