We all know that moment. You are about to fall asleep in bed and you hear your phone vibrate. Who is it? Your mom, of course, informing you that on Sunday — the holiest of napping days — she and your father will be driving up to visit you at school. Panic mode sets in. Where do you even start to get ready for the most critical and perceptive sets of eyes to come observe yourself, your friends and your room? Follow these easy steps, and you won't have your parents questioning why they even let you leave for college in the first place.
Clean your room.
Make your bed, sweep the food crumbs off the floor and wipe the toothpaste stains out of your sink. Make some kind of effort to look like a functioning semi-adult. I would recommend investing in some Clorox wipes and a magic eraser. They will definitely appreciate your going to those lengths to make a space for them to sit down, instead of being surrounded by chairs with clothing stacked on them.
Make sure your friends know they're coming.
So many things could go sideways by not doing this one, from a someone walking into your room in their underwear to your parents hearing things that they don't need to. I mean cursing, get your head out of the gutter.
Make sure you can't read your text messages from the lock screen. Nosey eyes and all that.
Unless you want to take the gamble of going to the bathroom and any message showing up on your phone. Way too risky.
Wash your laundry.
Looks bad, smells bad. Don't be gross.
Look presentable.
This can mean different things for everyone, but at its base this step really just means to be ready to your parents standards. Be showered and dressed to a level that's acceptable around your parents, unless you like being told that you look like a slob?
21 or not, make sure you aren't hung over when they get there.
They can tell. The people across the room can tell. You aren't fooling anyone and now is the time to be downing Advil and Gatorade.
They're going to take you out to eat? Box any and all leftovers.
This is an obvious one. Food and money are precious, so save everything you can.
Turn off your Tinder — and any other dating app — notifications.
Grindr, She, Tinder, Hot or Not. Whatever you play, the general idea is that this isn't something you really want to explain to your parents unless you want a lecture on the dangers of talking to strangers and "hook up apps" (my parents' words).
Have — appropriate — stories and anecdotes ready to tell.
They are visiting because they miss you, and want to be a part of your life. Just go through your experiences thus far and edit out the parts that would be seen as less than savory. Nobody believes that all you do week in and week out is sit and do your work and read your Bible. Be honest, but don't horrify them.
