This year, my 23rd year, I'm not sure why I thought it was going to be any different. But something about this year, for some reason, felt like it might be.
Waking up, my real family was ready to make today special. They always going above and beyond to make my day important. I'm really not one of those people who is into birthdays but this year it was nice to know so many people were going out of their way to make it great. In years past, due to schedules and whatever else was going on, my birthday usually slipped through the cracks and I was okay with that, this was the first year where my whole day was clear and I could really enjoy it.
One observation the people around me probably made was the fact I was constantly on my phone. I wasn't checking Facebook to see who posted on my wall or in a group chat with all my friends, I was waiting for a text. Every time I felt my phone buzz in my pocket I hoped it would be you, but it was another friend or family member wishing me a happy birthday. All day I kept waiting.
My mom and dad did everything all day to make it all about me. They stopped what they were doing and put their lives on hold to make sure I felt loved. Little did they know it wasn't about the activities or the gifts it was about the quality time they were spending with me that made it so great. That quality time with my parents was really all I wanted, all I really needed.
As the hours passed still no text. No acknowledgment of the day I was born, no acknowledgment the day that part of you entered this world. And like I said no text, I wasn't expecting a phone call or a card just a text. I didn't think that was too much to ask for.
I was really trying not to let it affect me since so many people were being so nice to me but it was starting to. Once it hit the evening and still no word I was fighting back tears with everything I had. I was trying so hard not to show everyone around me the pure disappointment and pain I was in. I guess I was coming to terms with and realizing maybe the only thing I truly wanted for my birthday was for you to reach out to me.
As the day was coming to an end and we were doing our last activity of a late night family dinner, I completely lost faith in you and honestly my birthday. That yearning for you to talk to me completely consumed me and made me get a bad taste in my mouth towards my birthday, I just wanted it to be over. But then I had to snap myself out of it and not take for granted all the people around me who did care. I couldn't let one person take that away from me.
Right before leaving for that late night dinner my phone lit up and the word 'daddy' lit up the screen. I opened it up and all it read was "Happy Birthday". No, I love you, no I hope you're doing good, not even an emoji. Not only was my birthday almost over it was the most unmeaningful text I have ever received. It was very clear that someone like my grandparents probably called you just to double check that you knew it was my birthday and you completely had forgotten, or maybe just didn't care to remember. At 9 p.m. I finally got that message I was waiting for little did I know it would leave me more disappointed.
I know how trivial this must sound and there are way bigger problems in the world. But when you haven't seen someone in so long and they don't respond to you or take the time to know you, you really latch onto a day like this. Because if there was any day where they would care this would be the one. You could only hope your biological father would care about the day you were born instead of pretending it didn't happen.
But with all this being said I can thank you for one thing. When you are absent and ignoring my existence it shows who my true family is, who my true parents are. Because at the end of the day your true parents are the ones who take care of you and would do anything for you, not necessarily the person you share DNA with. Maybe one day you'll regret not knowing me, maybe you won't. But one thing is for sure...
I WILL NOT let you affect another day of mine, regardless of what it is. This was the last time I would hold out hope for a change. You've missed so many years now and I'm sure the 23rd year will be no different.
