To Paranoia, The Monster That Drives My Anxiety, You Will Not Win
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

To Paranoia, The Monster That Drives My Anxiety, You Will Not Win

Do you not understand? You are not me.

Andy Snow
Jan 20, 2018
Washington State University
104
To Paranoia, The Monster That Drives My Anxiety, You Will Not Win
Unsplash

You are the reason I get nervous. You cause my overthinking. You make me paranoid with the thought of you returning. Your judgment is the pressure that makes me impulsive.

Judge me. That's what you do best, isn't it?

Judge me for my flaws. For my mistakes. Judge me for the decisions I make, I promise you don’t agree with them. Judge me for not having my life together; because apparently, you do. Judge me for every time I decide to stay quiet.

You are not me. You pretend to be living in my head. I can’t express it enough, nor can I explain it in enough words. You are not me.

Judge me for asking a million questions, I'm hoping your answer is not the same as the past 24 times I’ve asked. Do you think I want this life? The one that causes excruciating pain which I’ve come to tolerate? To live a life without you is a luxury.

Some may call you paranoia, but I consider you a monster that stays with me with every choice I make.

You make me second guess the things I want most and give me reasons to hold back. You are the reason my new years' resolutions fail. The reason I change the answers on my exams from what I originally put to what you tell me I should put instead.

I'm trying to shake you, and I’ve tried it all. Medication, exercise, naps, essential oils, everything, and yet you never leave. I've had doctors tell me I should see a therapist so I can learn how to live without you breathing down my neck.

If I had the option, I would rather forget about you completely rather than suffer with the overthinking.

Hopefully, sometime soon I will find a way to forget you completely.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Relationships

Grateful Beyond Words: A Letter to My Inspiration

I have never been so thankful to know you.

University of New Haven
274409
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee
nappy.co

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Smith College
71661
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
waitlisted
Swoon

Navigating the Talking Stage: 21 Essential Questions to Ask for Connection

It's mandatory to have these conversations.

National Writers Society
139655
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
single life
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

Marist College
45844
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

University of Oklahoma
976828
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
family and friends

Trending Topics

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments