Coming Out Week is here, which means everyone on the LGBTQ+ spectrum, both out and still in the closet, are celebrating and embracing who they are and not letting anyone step in their way. This may also be a time for many LGBTQ+ people to celebrate their anniversaries of coming out, whenever that may be. This week is especially the time for me to celebrate my coming out anniversary, when I came out as pansexual two years ago on National Coming Out Day, October 11, 2016.

Me discovering that I was not straight can be traced back to my freshman year of high school, when I would pass a senior girl in the hallway and my legs would feel weak and my heartbeat would get faster. At first, I ignored it, but after a bit, I would think to myself, "do I really like girls?" Another part of me would fight that thought and think "This is all in your head! You're really straight! Stop questioning yourself!" Both of these thoughts fought with each other for many years until I got to college when I absolutely needed to find out what my true sexual orientation was.

Around the middle of my sophomore year of college was when I had my first kiss with a girl. However, it wasn't any ordinary kiss, it was the kind of kiss that fills your mouth with fireworks and explosions of joy that my mouth never felt before. In a way, it was like when my first boyfriend kissed me for the first time back in high school. I never felt anything like it before, and I had no choice but to come to terms with the fact that I was not straight. So at that point, I figured that I was bisexual, but I still felt like something crucial was missing from this.

About a semester later, I had a heart-to-heart with a friend that I was dying to have one with. I wanted to use that time, to be honest with them and for them to be honest with me. At one point of our conversation, they told me that they were changing their pronouns and were non-binary, and at that moment, part of me broke away. The thing was, I had a crush on them since the day we met, and I was too scared to tell them, but I had a feeling that they knew the whole time. But when they came out to me, my feelings for them didn't change. I was still crazy about them and every time I would look into their eyes, I could still see that gleam that I would always see before that day. That was when I finally realized that I was pansexual.

While I completely ruined our friendship after I finally confessed my feelings to them, that day is still known to me as the day I finally figured out who I really was. I still want to thank them for helping me discover this part of me, even though they don't want me to anymore. I'm not confused. I'm not going through a phase. This is who I really am.