There's nothing worse than being a pasty girl who loves the beach. Am I right ladies? Or men, they can be pale too. Well, with summer vacation coming upon us, it's time to slather on the sun block in hopes of not burning to a crisp like every summer I can remember. To be honest, those tan friends just can't relate to these everyday struggles.
As an official sunburn aficionado (based on my numerous encounters with sun scorch) I can say that there are certain things only us fair-skinned sistas can all relate to.
1. You're always the pale friend.
After years of being known as the pale pal, I have recently found the solution to this problem -- surround yourself with fellow pale people. Some people may mistake your squad for a coven of vampires, but do it for solidarity and support.
2. You can't avoid the first burn of the summer.
It happens every summer and it just still manages to happen every year. It the wise words of Jay Gatsby, "You can't repeat the past? Why of course you can!"
3. Or any other time you get burned...
Let's be real -- you never really learn your lesson. You're not a rookie, you're a seasoned sunburn expert. Yet, you still foolishly burn time and time again. When will you ever learn?!
4. Your scorching burn will not face to tan.
"Oh, it will just fade to tan." This is one of the biggest lies in the book, up there with Santa Claus and Big Foot. This is a false statement, and the people who spew these lies should be stopped.
5. Sun poisoning is real. (I would know) .
That nice itch, sunburn chill and of course those lovely blisters. Nothing more attractive that a girl with bubbly skin. Am I right?
6. Your skin always feels slick from sunscreen.
Your slather and reapply that sunscreen so much that you are permanently a greasy mess. These is no getting that layer of shine off your skin.
7. Wearing sunscreen will not prevent sunburn.
Despite being covered head to toe in sunscreen, you still managed to burn. Why do bad things happen to good people?
8. Always being told you are pale.
I always like when people state this obvious fact. My skin and I have become pretty well acquainted over our 19 years together. I am aware that I am not a bronze goddess.
9. Always being told you are a lobster.
Yes, I am also aware I got a bad sunburn. I do, indeed, feel it, but thanks for notifying me.
10. Always having really blotchy sunburns.
Somehow you always get the most random splotches and patches of sunburn. It basically looks like someone rolled you in a fire. There's always a nice contrast between the bright red and pristine white.
11. Having your skin peel.
You're post sun burn skin peels off in sheets. I kid you not, sheets. You know you shouldn't peel it, but it almost becomes like a game. You almost don't realize how gross it is.
12. Aloe is a girl's best friend
You have to love mother nature's natural soothers. Aloe, more like Alo(v)e you.
13. You'll never know the wonders of being tan.
Sure, you may never know what it feels like to live that good tan life, but seriously, take care of that beautiful porcelain skin. As the ancient proverbs once stated, "The sunburns will fade, but the memories will last forever." That's how it goes, right?
