Every Thanksgiving my family embarks on an activity that isn’t very traditional. We go paintballing. Wise words from my father include, “Nothing says Thanksgiving like shooting your family.” We started this tradition last year, so being a two time paintball veteran, I’ve learned a thing or two. Having my ass handed to me this year made me reevaluate my tactics. I decided to lend my knowledge to the public with a few basic tips for beginners. If you are going paint balling for the first time, I suggest you take these tips into SERIOUS consideration.

1. Wear the appropriate attire!!!
   1. Getting hit by a ball of paint may not sound bad, but it hurts like a bitch! Don’t let your arms or legs be bare and dress in layers. The more layers you have, the less the blow will hurt when you’re shot. Getting shot with thin layers or on bare skin is super painful. I’ve gotten shot in the neck two years in a row, and let me tell you, I am wearing a turtle neck and scarf next time to protect myself. Getting shot in the neck hurts far more than any other place on your body. Craning my neck in any direction is painful, and it looks like I have a major hicky. Also if you’re going in the late fall/winter, it’s cold as hell so stay warm!!!
2. Pick your allies wisely!!!
   1. Pick people you can trust to not betray you unless y'all are the last two or three left in the game. Align yourself with someone who will have your back when someone else is gunning for you or will look the other way when you encounter each other on the field. I made the mistake of making an alliance with my younger sister… thanks for the neck shot, Isa. The rest of the day was spent with an obliterated alliance and me trying to get payback. Can you say trust issues? #WatchYourBackSis
3. Be careful who you decide to talk shit to!!!
   1. Last year my dad and I had it out for each other throughout our entire time at the paintball field. Just your classic father-daughter urge to shoot each other and cover them in paint. So this year, I was talking a lot of shit about how I was going to get him so good. We even made sure we were on separate teams because I was determined to completely demolish him! Yeah, I should have kept my mouth shut because he is a lot better than I remember and ended up shooting me right in the ass. It now hurts to sit down.
4. Have a fucking strategy!!!
   1. Listen here bitches, the game ain’t fun if you’re a wuss and hide in the pack and fire randomly. You need a game plan; a way to make sure your team wins. If it’s every man for himself, then have a strategy on how to take down your other opponents single-handedly. Whether you’re alone or with a team, you need to mastermind a plan or the game will never end because everyone is stupid. Offense is the best defense my friends.