I wake up every morning just like everyone else, cursing at my alarm clock dreading that my sleep is finally over. I feel different though. I ask myself the question: Am I still dreaming?Sometimes, I pinch myself just to make sure. OK, I am awake, I tell myself. I then reach over to my dresser and pull out a little pill bottle. My name brazened on the front with instructions, and a name I can hardly even pronounce. These are what arm me for the day, for without them I feel like I am powerless to make it through.
Last year I was diagnosed with depression. Those words just seem to ring hollow to me, now. I know what it means, I have a chemical imbalance. Its not some thing you can catch like a cold or the flu. Its also a sickness that affects us all differently. For me, I sometimes feel distant from everybody and also forget things easily. But at the same time remember everything. Confusing I know, but who ever said depression was easy to understand.
When you have depression, you may think you don't have a choice, but in the end you do. I could go on and on why you need to keep your head up high and look past it. For some people though that isn't the case nor is it even possible. Sadly, some people have let depression take control of their lives and it is a sad sight to see. But then you have the fighters. They are the people who appear to be like everyone else. The walk the streets like you do everyday, they go about their normal lives in front of the glaring eyes of the public. These fighters may also be the ones with the biggest smiles, give the warmest hugs, and are the closest friends. They are the real heroes to me. They are what I strive to be everyday, but like I said we all wake up when its time to start the day.
These brave ones though will always have those days when the smiles aren't so big and the hugs aren't as warm. These days they need you to help them out. The biggest mistake anyone can make when they have depression is to think they have to fight it alone. "Together we stand, Divided we fall," the saying goes and that, my friends, is the truth. I had a choice the day I found out I have depression. The memories of good times flashed through my head and I feared I would never have those feelings of fun again, but I was wrong. My friends, my family, my fraternity brothers. They all lifted me up. They brought me out of the darkness, even on those days the darkness pulls at the hardest. I hope that no one ever lets the darkness take them all together, but you see it everyday. But if you need to know anything when you are battling depression, it is okay to seek help.
You may tell yourself that you deserve these feelings, that somewhere down the line you hurt someone or broke the wrong mirror but you don't deserve to suffer, just as everyone is given the new day at least once, everyone is given happiness when they reach out and take it, even if what they reach out for is a little bottle of medicine and a cup of water to wash it down.
