Math tests are the bane of my existence.
I love math, don’t get me wrong. I’m taking Calculus II right now, with the possible intention of majoring in math. Math is something I get, something I enjoy.
However, when it comes to quizzes and tests, I start thinking too much.
That, really, is my core talent.
Overthinking is a skill I have been honing over a matter of years – English papers that get too specific, history essays that go off topic because it relates slightly to the main topic. Math, in particular, suddenly looks like something I have never before seen. Numbers start looking too complicated. Any problem with pi feels way too difficult – just looking at the jumble of exponents overwhelms me.
And it’s not only hard problems – it actually happens much more with extremely straightforward and obvious problems. I start looking at it, and, if the answer comes to me too easily, or if it seems too simple, I start over. "It can’t be that easy," I justify. "It has to be a trick question."
A classic move by me is dropping negatives. Most recently, I wrote 15 instead of 1/15 because I was working too fast, wanting the anxiety to end. My junior year pre-calculus teacher would look at me as I handed in my test, asking that I double- and triple-checked my work. Of course, I always said yes, because I did. But I never caught my tiny, ridiculous mistakes. I was, however, always first to finish. I am competitive enough to make myself write and read faster in order for me to be the first to complete any assignment.
Overthinking is what messes me up. I think too much, make all assignments much more complex and involved than they have to be, forcing myself to do more work than is necessary.
I’ve dealt with this for as long as I can remember. It’s annoying, but I have learned to get used to it. I study enough so that I know all the material, could potentially answer every question correctly. I read and review until I know it by heart. This leaves wiggle room. Of course, I would always prefer 100% on all my assignments, but I have the possibility of still getting a good grade despite tiny mistakes.
I’ve accepted that I can’t always be perfect, that I won’t always get the highest grade. But what I can control, I do. I make sure to do what I can to ensure success, but I am no longer completely wrecked if I get 92 because I dropped a negative and forgot to add “+C”. I think this is an important part of my academic life, especially now that I am away from home since I can handle it when I make mistakes.
Overthinking is the bane of my existence, but, to some extent, I’ve kind of embraced the consequences. I like going on tangents in papers, exploring other aspects of my topic. I’ve just had to learn how to make cuts when I edit, but that’s something I can deal with.
