Overcoming Fear Of Change

I have never really been a big fan of change, big or small, and within the last five months I have had quite a few big changes and every one of them terrified me. This is a common feeling for many people; they get into a routine and get comfortable, so throwing in a curve ball like a big change is scary. I know so many people who are completely ok with change and welcome it with open arms, they are the ones I envy, I wish I could be more accepting to change.

First big change would be that I got a new job that was completely different than anything I have ever done before. Going from retail to medical, produce to a receptionist job at clinic, this was something I never thought I would be doing, and I was lucky enough to have a college class with my boss and I was lucky enough that she decided to like me and give me a chance. Next change would be that I cut off eight inches of my hair and donated it to children with hair loss, children who have medical conditions causing them to lose their hair and they don’t charge for the wigs like Locks of Love do. This was something I had been thinking about doing for a while but was really scared to cut that much off at one time. I was always dead set on keeping my long hair forever, but I followed the super cliché quote “new year, new me,” and cut my hair. Then decided if I am going to cut my hair, I am going to do it for a good cause.

Another new change that was a HUGE for me, for anyone really is moving away from childhood home and into my boyfriend’s 45 minutes away. I have never lived away from home before and certainly never with a man or male other than my dad. I had my routine, I had lived there all my life and everything was familiar to me. I was comfortable for the most part but I was also familiar with my boyfriends as I have been with my boyfriend for over five years, and it was just time. Being 25 and still at parents wasn’t really working for me, it was time to grow up and find my own life. Sure I had been spending more and more time over at my boyfriends, weekends and then adding on a day or two, but to actually go to my parents and take my stuff and officially move in, that was a whole other thing. I remember driving to my parents and sitting in my car in the driveway and just crying, I cried a good amount and had to wait until I looked semi decent so my parents wouldn’t see that I had been crying. I felt like I should be stronger and that I shouldn’t be crying, this is what I have been wanting for so long, but knowing I wasn’t going back was hard.

It was also really hard since the very next day, not twenty four hours later, my dad completely cleaned my room to turn it into my niece’s rom (which she really did need at 5 1/2 years old). Getting that picture from my dad was also really sad, they weren’t pushing me out, or that they really wanted me out, but it still hurt that it happened so fast. Now these feelings didn’t really fully hit me until two nights after, that’s when I was lying in bed and all of a sudden I started thinking of all the little things I would miss. My dogs, my niece, my parents, and the little things I did in my daily routine. Then the flood gates opened and I could not stop crying for the life of me. Every time I did stop I would think of something and would start crying all over again, and this went on for a good forty five minute to an hour, and all this time I was texting my mom, until finally I did fall asleep.

When I did talk to my mom on the phone I realized how much I missed her and everything else I left behind. Yes I can still visit when I want but it will not be the same anymore, I have a new home where I must create a life. But in my heart my parents’ house will always be my home. I never really had a super close relationship with my mom or family, but maybe now that I am moved out it will improve. Change never came easy to me, it is hard and I always try and avoid it. Now that I am getting older I need to face the fact that it is impossible to avoid forever, I need to learn to embrace it and love it, it’ll never be easy but I will become accustomed to it and I will find my own routine.