I remember the screaming, the lies, and negative environment. My story has never been this simple. I'll admit to envying "normal families," later realizing no one has a normal family behind closed doors. My story has still always been tough. The ride started getting bumpy for me at a young age.
The environment and conditions for which I was living in were not safe to raise a young child. My mother wasn't in a place in her life where she could "parent" either. Unfortunately, DCFS came to remove me from my mother's care at 23 months old. I would then spend the next two years, traveling from one foster home to the next. It was not pleasant. At age four, my life changed forever. A family had been looking to adopt and wanted to meet me. Two amazing women had ended up going through with the adoption, adding me to their family. It can't be expressed how blessed I am, to have been given the chance at a new family and home. That is something I will forever be grateful for. That second chance saved my life.
Though, the ride hadn't gotten any smoother just yet; at age five my parents had made the decision to separate. I wasn't fully aware of what it all meant at the time, but it caused a huge emotional downfall. I'd already been in therapy at 4 years old and I had struggled with depression at an early age. Though as time passed, I was adjusting well. Not long after, both of my mothers had found new love. I got to a point in my life, where getting emotionally attached wasn't for me, especially if people ended up leaving. Loss has never been something I've taken well, hence my past. I soon realized that you never fully recover from losing someone, you only learn to live without the person. It hasn't been easy, but I've learned to appreciate what I've been given, and never take what I have for granted.
I still fight constant battles, derived from my past. Sometimes you have to fight a battle more than once to win it. I've seen only part of my birth family once in the last 13 years, and it was at one of the most biggest achievements of my life; my high school graduation. Now my focus is accepting how life turned out, and being happy with it. I continue to fight adversity to this day; some occurrences may not seem as serious, but they are there.
The moral is, where ever you are in life; whether you are at your utmost best or you are at your lowest of low's, don't give up the fight. It's perfectly okay to use pieces of your past as stepping stones to get to where you want to be; but don't live there. And always remember a damaged past does not equal a damaged future. Often times, when I think my entire life is falling a part, it is actually falling in to place. I have learned some of life's most important lessons, through my most difficult experiences.
Sometimes it takes some bad days to get to the best days of your life. So don't back down on the fight, after you've got a race to win.
