Something most people don't really know about me is that I am a perfectionist.
I have really high expectations of myself, and I want so badly to succeed in everything I do. I try to make the safest and smartest choices for myself. Failure is devastating to me. Weaknesses are not acceptable (or at least I try not to let them be). I try to keep my fears to myself so that they can not be used against me. I try to come off like I live an easy life, and anything hard that comes at me isn't a big deal.
It's kind of embarrassing how hard I try to be perfect. What is "perfect," even? We have this unrealistic perception of what perfect is. I have this thing that I need everybody to like me. I used to have this strong fear of rejection, but over the past few years, I've started to deteriorate away from that way of thinking. I'm starting to do things for myself rather than for the people around me, and if I do say so myself, it feels good not to care about what others think of me.
I know 100 percent that I am not perfect. But because of the way I am, it pushes me to try as hard as I can to get close. I'm starting to accept the fact that I will always strive to be the best I can be and do the best I can at anything and everything I aspire to be or do, and there is nothing wrong with that. I know I'm not alone when it comes to this because I have my forever friend, Luz, to vent to about my perfectionism. Luz and I are one in the same when it comes to practically everything, and this just happens to be one of the traits we share.I've come to the conclusion that there are 10 things that classify me as a perfectionist that you may be able to relate to.
- You are highly conscious and hyper-critical of mistakes.
2. You aim to be the best in everything you do (even if it is something that you are not interested in).
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3. You spend an extreme amount of time, right down to the last moment, to perfect something. You would rather sacrifice your well-being (such as sleep, eating time, etc.) than let something be less than it can be.
4. You set unrealistic goals.
5. You are your harshest critic. You would beat yourself up over the smallest thing that went wrong.
6. You cannot and will not lose.
7. You are defensive toward criticism and have a fear of failure because they suggest imperfection.
8. You only have the end goal in mind. If you don’t achieve the goal, it really does not matter what happens in the process.
9. It's your way or no way.
10. You obsess over the simplest of tasks.
If you can relate to at least five of these signs, you're probably a perfectionist, and that's okay.
Recently, I stumbled upon a verse that touched my heart, 1 Peter 3:4, which states:
"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."
Embrace your weaknesses like I have embraced mine. There is always a way to work to beat your weaknesses. I still have a problem with wanting to be perfect, but I do not allow this weakness to get the better side of me anymore. It's okay to be a perfectionist, and it's okay to not want to be a perfectionist, but living with the mindset that you have to be perfect is hard. I aspire to be the best I can be, but I also want to be okay with reaching goals rather than always feeling like I have to go the extra mile in anything and everything. I've been working on self-acceptance, and I hope y'all will, too. If you're not a perfectionist but have a friend or family member who is, be patient with them, and help them to be self-accepting.
