I'm totally procrastinating and avoiding writing a literature paper by writing this, but oh well. Procrastination it is.

I don't know who you are, or maybe I do. Who knows. If I don't know you, I can't wait to meet you. If I do know you, I can't wait to get to know you.

I was talking about you last night. What I said was, "God help my future husband, I'm such a handful." And this is true, but I want to go more in depth than that. And I want you to know what I want out of our marriage.

I want kids.

And a lot. at least three. And I want to adopt. I feel like God has called me to adopting a child. I hope you feel the same way. I want the feeling of finding out that there will be little ones in our home. I want to be that "soccer mom." I want to us to be the parents that our kids' friends love. I want us to be the fun, adventurous parents. I want (Lord willing) at least one little boy and one little girl. I want a son to play legos and nerf battles with. I want a daughter to play barbies and tea parties and dress up with. But most importantly, I want our future children to know that they are loved.

I want pets

I'm warning you in advance, there will be dogs. Randomly. Studies have shown that animals teach kids responsibility. And I also know how hard I begged my parents for a dog growing up. And my dog is my life. I want our kids to know how animals are important in God's kingdom. I want our kids to respect animals. So if you come home and there is a new ball of fluff in our living room, Sorry..?

Don't expect me to be a stay at home mom.

I am going to have a career. I am going to teach middle school history. I am not going to stay home. To each mom her own, but that seems so boring to me. You and our house and our children and our pets will have me before and after school. And on weekends and breaks. I want our future daughter(s) to know that it is okay to work and be a mom at once.

I'm stubborn

Biblically, I know I'm supposed to "submit to you" (GAG). But I am a strong, independent woman who seriously struggles with the idea of "submitting." Maybe it's the fact that I haven't been in a relationship in a while and don't understand the concept. We'll see. Be prepared for me to not agree with everything you say.

I want us to be equal.

Kind of following up with that last point. You are my life partner. My person. My equal. I want us to parent our children equally. I don't want either you or me to be seen as the punishment for our children. That was a big issue for me growing up. All too often, the phrase, "Don't make me call your father" or something along those lines were said in my house. And that made me develop a fear of my dad, something that's troubled our relationship sense. Now I love my mother dearly, but I don't want our children to grow up afraid of either of us. To quote a really cheesy thing I saw when I was younger, "Eve wasn't made out of a piece of Adam's skull so she could be above him, nor was she made out of a piece of his foot to be below him. She was made out of his rib, to be by his side and protected. Near the heart to be loved."

I want random

I want our marriage to be an adventure. Random dates. Flowers in my car before I go to work in the morning. Sending the kids to our parents for the weekend. Let's go on adventures, locally and internationally. And I'll do the same for you. Your favorite coffee will be ready for you if you wake up later than I do. I'll make you breakfast in bed. I want our children to see a Godly, Christ centered, fun marriage.

I don't want us to end.

I'm terrified our marriage will end like my parents and grandparents, in divorce. I don't want that to happen. I'm willing to fight for our marriage. I'm not going to give up. One thing I commend my parents on, is that they didn't go to bed angry. Even if they had to stay up into the next day, they always talked it out. I hate confrontation, so you may have to pull it out of me, and you might get frustrated, but just be patient with me. I have things I want to say. I'm terrified on how you'll react to what I want to say.

I want you.

We all have a past. Mine isn't perfect. Yours probably isn't the best either. But I don't care. I want you, all of you, only you. I'll say yes for a reason. Through all of the ups and downs, the best and worst times, you'll be the person I want in our bed. "Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God." -Ruth 1:16

Just know now, I love you. And I can't wait for our adventure to begin.

Love,

Your Future Wife,

Abbey.