I know you took my favorite jersey from my room, but that's OK you can keep it. I know you think I'm completely crazy from time to time, and have probably told that to your friends, but that's OK I don't blame you. It has taken me an unfortunately long time to realize that I have never been emotionally open with you, partly because I was always trying to be a role model for you, and many times, a third parent to you. Maybe I have done a good job at that, but I have fallen short on being the sister I always wanted to be for you. That being said, I want to take a little time to tell you everything that I have always wanted to tell you, but for some reason never have.

Before you were born, there was not a day where I would not complain to mom and dad about wanting a younger sibling. Although I get upset sometimes and say that I would rather be an only-child, I would be so lonely without you. I know this because every time you are gone from the house, I just wait for you to come home, and I pass the time by looking at your pictures, seeing what new piano pieces you are learning, and even cleaning up your room a little bit. Somehow, despite being the older sibling, I can't imagine my life without you, maybe because you're such a big part of it. Not only would I be lonely without you, I wouldn't be the person I am today if I didn't have you in my life. You have both directly and indirectly taught me how to be patient, considerate, and responsible. I always expected that I would be able to pass down whatever lessons I've learned to you to help you be the best that you can be. There is one huge difference in what I teach you, and what you teach me: I pass down knowledge to you knowing that these are lessons you will inevitably learn yourself from life, but hoping that you never have to learn them the hard way; on the other hand, you teach me how to be an adult, and a better person because at times I had to be your teacher, caregiver, and bodyguard. I didn't always know what I was doing, and there are still times when it is a trial-and-error process, but it has has given me virtues that I owe to you.

I have often heard that the older sibling lives under stricter rules, and is held to higher standards in order to be a good role model. More often than not, I would be the one held accountable between the two of us, which could sometimes be frustrating; but I don't think I ever let things be easier for you. Many times it has seemed like I don't really care about your problems, and that I would be mean to you because I saw some fun in it, but every time I critique you, it is to make you a better person. I can be strict with you at times because I can see how brilliant you are, and I want to do my part to push you to realize how capable you are of doing great things, things that I will never be able to do. If you don't realize your full potential, I know that I will always blame myself for not helping you grow. I never want you to feel like you're inferior, which is why instead of baby-ing you when you come to me with your problems I always encourage you to "be strong" and not let them get to you. I understand that it can be hard to see past my tough love but I will always be your biggest fan. Words cannot describe how happy I am when you come home with another award or when I hear someone complimenting you. Whether you can see it or not, I will always be rooting for you.

I love watching you grow, and I cannot wait to see what great things you will accomplish in the future, but in my eyes, you will always be a baby. There is a part of me that is still mentally stuck at the first time I saw you in the hospital for reasons that I myself don't understand. It's both exciting and frightening to see you take another step in your life. With each step you take, you grow up a little more, and become a little more independent and I never want to see you get hurt. No matter how old you get, I will always be trying to share bits of wisdom with you and checking up on you because whenever I look at you, I still see a baby. You probably find me really annoying sometimes because I don't leave you alone, but you growing up has been very hard for me to comprehend. While I work on accepting that you are growing up, I want you to always feel like you can share anything with me, and that I can be the first person you turn to for whatever you may need help with. Our bond is one that is unbreakable, so just know that I love you and will stand by your side through everything.