Lately, I’ve been hanging out with a few new friends, along with my closest ones of course. Hanging out with my new ones is refreshing, although I grow anxious that somehow they won’t like me anymore after a while. I guess it’s my most recent insecurity—being a young parent. I worry that no one will want to hang out with me just because I have a baby, purely because that reason has been proven before.

I convince myself otherwise due to the fact that people do have the heart to know that I’m still the same person and worth getting to know even though my life situation has changed.

Here’s what I know about friendships:

People become friends with each other because they choose to be. We aren’t bound by rings or legal documents. Friendships can be sacred or casual. Regardless of how committed we’re willing to be to other people, priorities and responsibilities will inevitably knock friendships to the bottom.

Since our social lives began, we’ve been weaving in and out of friendships. But during our mid-twenties, we start losing a lot of friends. Now is where things get very real.

There are people our age that still live at home with their family, working to save up for a new car or a place of their own. There are the people that are just trying to survive college, studying abroad or traveling the world. And then there are people that are getting engaged, married and having kids. We’re all on different paths and we’re all busy. This is the time between high school and the rest of our lives.

This is also the time when we realize who our real friends are. Not just the girl from Biology II that held our hair back while our head was in the toilet one night and we partied together ever since, and not just the people who we surround ourselves with on a regular basis because it’s routine. I’m talking about the people who genuinely care for us and support us, and we in return; the people who love us for who we are no matter what. As corny as that may be, it’s true. The older we get, the busier we are and the less time we have for friends and social gatherings. We’re going to have jobs, relationships, kids, or all three at the same time.

Despite a busy life, friends make time to text or FaceTime us to see how we’re doing when they can’t necessarily hang out. These days, it’s so easy to catch up with friends, acquaintances and even people we don’t know because of Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, and other social media platforms. But real friends will reach out because they want more from you than a quick update.

Friendships are precious. They are important because they contribute to who we are. This is why it may be devastating when we lose them, or it may be the most freeing thing we’ve ever done. We open our lives to strangers at our own pace, we get to know them and share interests and thoughts until we realize we don’t need them anymore. Just like any relationship, we sometimes fear losing comfort and fear distancing ourselves from people we trusted with our secrets, even if the relationship is toxic. We end up letting go only after things hits the fan.

I’m sure you’ve heard a phrase along the lines of “It’s funny how we once knew everything about each other, and now we’re strangers”. It’s the harsh reality that we don’t need everyone in our lives forever. Some stay for decades, some stay for the length of a semester. Yet, it’s not quite the longevity of moments spent that matters—it’s how much we’ve impacted each other, helped each other grow, or maybe opened our eyes to new possibilities.

After I had my daughter at the age of 22, I lost a lot of friends. I was upset for a while, plagued with the classic FOMO. But eventually, my perspective changed. I knew I was going to be okay without them.

The thing I hope for when it comes to ended friendships, even if they were left on an unforgiving note is that people can just appreciate anything they have done for us. At least, that’s how I feel about my old friends. I’ll always have someone to thank for something—after all I wouldn’t be where I am today if I hadn’t previously shared my life with them.