Dear anyone I see wearing a sweater, jacket, or any kind of long sleeved article of clothing at this time of year,

Boi.

First off, I would flame, broil, roast, deep fry, or sauté you right now, but your fleece jacket seems to be doing the job for me, so I'll just skip that part.

Second, if you don't take that sweat machine 2.0 you wanna call a jacket off, I will pass out from second hand heat stroke fam, and guess who's paying my hospital bill? Das right, it's you.

Now guys, I understand the possibility that the classroom that you just exited from might've been a little chilly for you. You might get cold easily and that's cool fam I get it. But the thing is, you're forgetting one MAJOR part of that jacket that you're wearing that would solve all of our problems quick, fast, and in a hurry. So I want you to go ahead and look down. Go ahead it's not a joke I promise. You see that little silver shiny thing hanging from the center of your jacket. That my friends, is called a zipper. And you know what that does? It helps you TAKE THE JACKET OFF! So when you escape the instant hypothermia sundae that is your classroom, and enter Satan's armpits that is the outdoors, go ahead and use that fancy contraption to take. Your jacket. OFF.

Now some of you may be thinking that I'm being extremely inconsiderate and rude to all those "extra cold all the time" people out there, but I promise I'm not, if anything I'm doing you a favor. You wanna know how? What happens when you're wearing the clothing equivalent to I don't know an entire sheep on your body in the middle of the day in God's personal oven. You know what happens? You start taking a shower in your own sweat buddy. Now ladies, I will admit that sweat is the cheapest, most natural highlight any of us could probably afford right now, but when homeboy with the khaki shorts and new balance sneakers ( @ 76% of all the boys on Baylor's campus) shows up, he's not gonna think that's real cute. Not that he should be judging you for being "extremely hydrated" (That's a lie. You're just really sweaty, but you can go ahead and tell yourself that to feel better), but if we're being honest with ourselves, he will. Now that's not to say that he's Mr. Right because whoa girl we just got here so you're gonna have to chill with all that, BUT he could've at least held the door open, or carried a book or something. But now we'll never know because you decided that today was the day that you would perform the ultimate test to check the quality and longevity of your deodorant. I hope it was worth it.

Another problem is that us being the college kids that we are, just don't want a carry a personal hug with a zipper all across campus all day. But don't worry y'all, as always I will continue to support you and give you answers to this great dilemma. You could just be the ultimate soccer mom and tie the sucker around your waist like a boss. Now, you may instantly worry about what time you have to pick up little Timothy from soccer practice, but that feeling will subside eventually. You could also just shove your jacket in your backpack. Out of sight, out of mind right? However, your backpack may be too small and stuffed with thousands of dollars worth of textbooks to fit a parka in there, and that means you gotta prioritize and let some stuff go. And by that I mean your jacket. Now, what you could do is donate the jacket to your local Goodwill, or even some of the squirrels on campus. Just a few suggestions. But here's the ultimate solution to that problem. Just leave the darn thing in your room. In your closet. The very back of your closet where it will never be seen from again until it drops under about 75 degrees and us Texans try to create a fall and winter out of a random cold front.

So people wearing that Christmas gift your Grandma made you like 3 years ago that you're now too afraid to let it go of in fear that you won't get any pie at Thanksgiving, I don't understand you, but I will say that you should just do you boo boo and ignore the weirdos like me. So I'm gonna keep surviving my own personal Fear Factor of losing my eyebrows to the waterfall that has replaced my forehead, in shorts and t-shirts, and you go ahead and wear that jacket and wear it with pride. I probably won't see you because most days I just walk around campus in constant prayer that God will grant me enough grace to keep my eyebrows on for as long as possible, but I'm sure you look stunning and super cuddly and friendly. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings in any part of this rant, but just know I didn't mean to and if you want, you can make fun of me and my inability to do basic human things like eat like an adult, go to sleep at a proper time, or not dab at practically any chance that I get, anytime you want.

But if you liked this little rant, then stay turned for part 2, where I will address the phenomena of wearing shorts in the winter.

So y'all have a blessed week, and stay cool... Or warm... Or any temperature that makes you happiest.

Love,

Ferrin :)