“You have no reason to be sad.”
“Just take a deep breath it will be OK.”
“Why are you sad?”
“You’re overreacting.”
“I don’t understand.”
To those of you who do not understand the feeling that I myself barely understand, it is important that you try too. It is important for you to understand why we have days where we cannot get out of bed. We have days where we truly believe there is no reason for us to continue living underneath this black cloud that hovers only only us. We look in the mirror and rather than the reflection being ourselves it's a distorted image of a person we cannot bear to look at. Everything makes us nervous. A sudden change in the tone of your voice will turn into a thousand thoughts running rapidly through our infected minds, thinking of all of the things we did wrong. Sometimes sleep does not exist or it is the only thing that keeps us from reality but usually there is no inbetween. We are test subjects, pill after pill destroying both our bodies and our minds. Mental illness does not come with a signed doctor’s excuse, we sit in the back of the classrooms thinking of ways to escape or not even thinking at all. It is a feeling we cannot explain but it's always there and sometimes it lay dormant in the back of our innocent minds until one day it sneaks up on us, catching us off guard.
Falling in love almost seems impossible and you must understand this. We have been hurt far too many times to count. We cannot fall in love with others because we are so far from falling in love with ourselves. We search high and low to kill our minds. You must understand that we do not use drugs or alcohol for fun we use it as a way to kill off that feeling in our mind all of the doctors call “depression”. Some of us look for comfort in the beds of strangers who tell us we are beautiful for the night and then show more interest in our bodies than we ever have ourselves. We have become prone to being left time after time and we are dependent on our loneliness.
We are continuously fighting for a life we can’t bear to live in. You might look at us as if we are crazy but remember that we did not ask for this. Understand that many of us are compassionate, intelligent, daring, and wanderlust but we are living lives of sadness and fear. We do not want pointed at following the recent mass shooting because that is not who we are. We are human beings and we are just as important as someone with a broken bone or a weak organ.
