Dear You,
It's taken all of my strength to even begin to write this letter. I sit here, watching my hands shake while attempting to type. Why am I so nervous? Because, thanks to you, after writing this letter, everyone who reads this will know that I am a victim of domestic violence.
It's not something I'm proud of. It's not something I feel thankful to have survived. The fact of the matter is that you have tainted me with these horrible memories that I will be forced to carry with me for the rest of my life. For a while, I blamed myself. It wasn't until I stepped outside of the situation that I realized what you were doing was completely uncalled for. I loved you. I loved you so much that I would've done anything for you, and you repaid my affection with emotionally crippling insults and physical violence.
I remember one time in particular, when we went to go pick up drugs. I was supporting both of our habits then. You took my money, bought the drugs from the dealer, and when I asked for my share, you told me I was an "impatient cunt" and slapped me across the face. I still feel the sting today. Your handprint is forever emblazoned on the left side of my face.
It's been over a year since we've spoken. I'm sure you don't think of me anymore, but I will forever think of you. I think of you when I walk down the streets alone from my classes and pass by any man. I think of you whenever someone insults me. I think of you whenever I have drug cravings. I think of you whenever my boyfriend and I have a fight. You've made me so fearful of any man's anger that I do everything I can not to upset the men I'm constantly surrounded by.
I've finally found someone that makes me feel safe. I've found someone who respects me and loves me for who I am, not what he can take from me. But you have left scars on my soul. It's not fair that he has had to tend to those scars on a daily basis, and pick up the pieces you left behind. It's not fair that he has to deal with my constant nightmares. It's not fair that he has to be careful with what he says and does as to not trigger me. That's the damage you've caused. I've tried my hardest to have a normal relationship with my boyfriend, but I've come to realize that it will never be normal. You've ruined that for us.
I hope I never see or hear from you again. I hope the next girl you manipulate into a relationship with you realizes how you are before it's too late. I'd like to think that someday you'll change, but that just isn't realistic. Men like you never change. I know it's only a matter of time before you're in prison or you die from a drug overdose. I'd like to say that I wish you the best, but that simply isn't the case.
I hope you can live with what you've done. I'm getting better everyday, but it doesn't change the fact that you did what you did.
-Erin
